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Psychological Needs of Pre-Schoolers Psychological Needs of Pre-Schoolers Fremont Chinese Evangelical Free Church Parenting Group Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D.

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Presentation on theme: "Psychological Needs of Pre-Schoolers Psychological Needs of Pre-Schoolers Fremont Chinese Evangelical Free Church Parenting Group Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D."— Presentation transcript:

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2 Psychological Needs of Pre-Schoolers Psychological Needs of Pre-Schoolers Fremont Chinese Evangelical Free Church Parenting Group Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist (510)

3 Psychological Needs of Pre-Schoolers Psychological Needs of Pre-Schoolers Fremont Chinese Evangelical Free Church Parenting Group Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist (510)

4 Outline of Parenting Workshop Fremont Chinese Evangelical Free Church Welcome You! Session 1 Fundamentals of Child Psychology Questions & Answer Session Session 2 Current Issues & Child Development Questions & Answer Session Please Stay for Refreshment

5 What Makes your Baby Tick?

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8 A B C D E A: 5-months: 45 gm = 1.56 oz B: 6-months: 110 gm = 3.85 oz C: 7-months: 210 gm = 7.35 oz D: 8-months: 300 gm = oz E: 9-months: 400 gm = oz Brain weight in grams/ounces 1-yr old: 800 gm = 28 oz 2-yr old: 1000 gm = 35 oz 3-yr old: 1200 gm = 42 oz 5-yr old: 1300 gm = 46 oz Adulthood Brain weight stabilizes, maximized around yr old

9 Understanding Brain Growth in Neonatal Development The brain grows in stages –Most rapid growth between baby to 6 year old –80-90% of brain growth completed: 6 year old Obstacles to brain growth (generally irreversible) –Toxic substances: Drug-alcohol-radiation-stress hormones Pickling of brain cells causing hardening & deterioration –Head traumas: Tearing of brain connections Enhances to brain growth (Brain is a muscle) –Eye-hand activities, happy mood, secure environment

10 Good Or Bad to hold your Child? Security Building: Physical Attachment gives rise to Pleasure Hush a bye baby on the tree top…

11 Develop Happy Emotions & Childhood Fun

12 Dont let Negative Emotions last too long

13 Stages of development Babies & Children grow in stages & phases Weaned from nursing, Toilet training –Learn to eat Solids: Self-Feeding Learning to walk, learning to talk Learning to be independent of mother –Testing separation & attachment: Security Leaving mother & attaching to father –Exploring the environment: Understands others

14 Stages of development Identity as an individual develops (Imitational learning) –Around 18 months to 48 months

15 Monkey See Monkey Do

16 Stages of development Identity as an individual develops (Imitational learning) –Around 18 months to 48 months Gender-Identity Imprinting & Formation –Around 18 months to 48 months –Sons attach to Father: Masculine Identity –Daughters attach to Mother: Feminine Identity –Opposite sex parent helps to polarize Identity Some parallel play Reading & educational training can take place Learning to separate from parents: Preschool

17 Brain growth and IQ issues Frontal Cortex is the last part to grow –Moral issues & Empathic understanding Pre-Frontal Cortex is the second last to complete –Execution of decisions & higher judgment Important to help kids in delay gratification –Self-Regulation of Emotions & Desires Best time to increase kids curiosity & fun –Stimulus Response (Libraries & Book Stores)

18 Practical Ways in Building up the Confidence and Security of your Child For every 6 or 7 praises you may admonish once Talk Positively instead of Negatively –Dont spill your milk or I will beat you up! –Hold your cup carefully, I know you can make it! –Dont let me find you hitting your baby sister! –Lets love your baby sister! You are a good brother you can take care of her! Avoid Shame and Blame –Why are you so stupid and your brother so smart? Say often to your Child I am proud of you! Hold and Touch your Child in Good times & Bad

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24 Questions & Answers Session Issues of Brain Development Scheduling Nursing & Feeding (organized world) Sleep Routine Eating Routine: Feed him or let him feed self? Timing of Potty Training Terrible Two: How to enrich your kid?

25 What's wrong with "I bring up my child the way I was brought up by my parents!" This is a secure-sure fire position: Tried & True May not fit the current context of child rearing –Asian: More extended-family community based –Western: More personal-individually based When parents have problems: Kids will suffer Needs flexibility in parenting: Kids are flexible Issue of corporal punishment: Negative outcome Authoritarianism: Threatening & force: –Adversarial positions: Win-Lose paradigm

26 More…Punishment…Child…More Violent

27 Physical Punishment: Disrespect

28 Physical Punishment Hereditary!

29 What Is Silicon Valley Culture Picture credit: Time (Digital) Magazine

30 Priorities of Silicon Valley Culture Picture credit: Time (Digital) Magazine

31 Priorities of Silicon Valley Culture Picture credit: Time (Digital) Magazine

32 Greed Drives Silicon Valley Culture? Picture credit: Time (Digital) Magazine

33 The pitfalls of the Affluent Silicon Valley Culture" As long as I am Smart everything will work out Competition is the name of the game! –He who has the most toys wins! If I can pay for it, it will be fixed –Over-use of therapy and self-help groups Everybody will be young, beautiful, perfect, pain-free –Kids dont know how to take failure If you only work hard, you will get ahead –No accommodation for individual differences & timing

34 What breaks the Spirit of a Young Child Fear is experienced more often than Love Threats are used to make child obey –Physical punishment in the name of discipline –Oppressiveness over logic in demands for obedience –Hate begins to take hold for the oppressor –Child hates self and others Anger turned Inward becomes Depression –Lazy Slow ADD Disorganized Kid –Video games & TV becomes only interest

35 Good Father & Mother Relationship & Parenting When relationship is Good between Parents –Child Feels Happy & Secure: Not Abandonment Fears –Parents give kids Positive example of Marital Relationship Child learns Optimism in adult dating relationships Unconsciously sets up an Marriage Anticipation framework When relationship is Bad between Parents –They use kids as Messengers Go-Between Kids bear the Emotional Burden of Adults –Tell your father I hate him! –Love-hate Dilemma: Increases kids attention Reduces academic performance: Family is priority

36 Divorce and Re-Marriage I mpacts on Child Development Pre-Divorce: Family environment is tense Kids are sensitive to the tension between parents Kids try to avoid this tension: Start Defenses –Be Perfect, my parents will stay together –Take care of parents Emotional needs Role Reversal: Missed out on Self-Development Kids grow up to become Rescuer Hero –Fear of abandonment & Separation: Dependency –Sacrifices self development to avoid separations

37 Bilingualism: Should I speak Chinese at home? "This may slow down my child's speech!" Brain functioning of a Child is Robust –Language is like learning musical instruments Bilingual Kids language Development is slower –Preschooler will catch up to speed within 3-6 months Bilingualism is a Strength and not a Weakness –Its easier to learn a new language before 12 –New language skills Stimulate brain functioning (exercise muscle) –Helps in Novel problem Solving Skills: Innovation Kids develop diversity & multicultural understanding

38 Multilingualism Children brought up to speak two or more languages find it easier to develop other skills too The Sunday Telegraph September 2, 2000 London, United Kingdom

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40 Moral Issues: Violence, Pornography, Child- Abuse, Homosexuality and Child Development Violence: Feeds the darker side of all people –Depressed kids like it: It gives them a lift –Angry kids like it: One way to get even Pornography: Internet (Supply & Demand) –Sexual curiosity is normal but not addiction Child-Abuse: Emotional Time-bomb –Kids are defenseless: As Adults they defeat self Homosexuality: Sex education begins at home

41 Questions & Answers Session Recommend some Good Books

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46 Recommend some Good Books What to do with a Fussy Eater

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