3 DISCLAIMERThis discussion is about Dominant/Submissive and Master/Slave relationships. We are not talking about other forms of power exchange relationships. There are other relationships such as Owner/pet, Daddy/babygirl and so on, that also have elements of power exchange.
4 Defining a D/s Relationship Power ExchangeThere will be a significant amount of control by one person.The exchange is typically not just during a scene.There is a commitment between the people to maintain a relationship.We are focusing on more than just a short scene relationship.
5 Relationship Types Master or Mistress/slave Master or Dominant or Mistress/submissiveSlave equals property and ownership. Slave will have very little control over what he/she does. The highest form of submission. The Master’s wants and needs come first.The Master/Dominant may not have control over every single area of the submissive’s life. Lots of negotiation.
6 What extent? Part Time Long Distance Full time, non live-in Full time, live-in 24/7Consensual Slavery
7 The Hierarchical Role D/s is a question of mind over matter. Does not require dungeon or sex toysSubmission depends on his/her will to fulfill the needs of the Dominant.The Dominant must be able to direct the submissive’s will with his/her own.It requires much more mental play than physical.
8 Know What You Want To be served by another/serve another? Is it fulltime?Slave?Exclusive relationship?Is it just service and fun, or is a serious long-term relationship the goal?
9 Qualities to Look for in a Dom NOTE: Just because he/she is a good top does not automatically mean they will be a good dominant.Confidence without ASSHOLE
10 AbilityTo control by willTo use toys safelyIf the sub must tell the Dom how to dominant, they aren’t being dominated
11 ObservantCreativeLoving/cherishing/Detached – You have to be able to “hurt” and “discipline” the sub when needed without love getting in the way.Grateful, CourteousHonesty, Integrity
12 Qualities to Look For in a Sub Pride in him/herself – no doormatsRespectful, CourteousIntelligentHonestyAttentiveAble to perform tasksObedient
13 Negotiation Consent, Consent, Consent Safewords/Limits Truth Interrogation – Lists
14 Contracts Do you have to have one? What are good things to include Behavior/Body Functions/InteractionsPublic Behavior (Are there different rules/expectations)ExpectationsRules, SignalsRewards/PunishmentsTerms and amendments
15 The Collar Earning it and/or the petition Levels Play vs. Everyday ConsiderationTrainingSubmissiveSlavePlay vs. EverydayConsideration collar - A commitment that has a time limit. Maybe 3 or 6 months. At the end of the time either the next step would be persuade or the collar would be dropped and just a play partner relationship would exist. It is not intended as a long term type of collar. Limited control outside of play time.Training collar - Step may be skipped but this would be a transition point that shows and interest in both parties for the sub to be trained to the wishes and style of the top. This would be another sort of holding point to make sure that things are going to work for both parties. Could even stay like this forever. Still limited control outside of play time.Submissive collar - Serious level of commitment. May have a time frame and not be intended for life. At this point the top would really begin to control all aspects of the bottom. She would be property of the top.Slave collar - VERY serious level of commitment. Slave gives up all control.
16 Training(Beginning & Reinforcement) Living Together vs. Coming TogetherPunishmentPlay TimeProtocolsRitualsGreeting, separation, eating, playDiary, journal
17 Submissive Attitude Dom(me) wishes are foremost Attentive near mind readingIntelligent vs. doormatRESPECT – Self, your Dom, other DomsCommon sub positions (walking, sitting, standing, etc…)
18 Dom Attitude If you can’t control yourself you can NOT control others. Recipe for failure – Making sub constantly do things they don’t want to just because you can.AttentiveHUGE responsibilityIntelligent vs. AssholeAccountability (Self and Sub)
19 Punishment The scene of the crime vs. the scene of punishment Reserved implementsNot Fun and not a play sceneImpact, humiliation, deprivationShould fit the crimeWorking with anger
20 Rewards Praise, Praise, Praise Special Names Special toys or scenes (even if it doesn’t turn you on)Added privileges
21 Ending the Relationship May equal pain caused by deathKindness and considerationReturning personal items/Dividing the bootyReturning the collar and other scene accessoriesTry not to bad mouth each otherBe gracious when meetingDon’t gloat to your former partner with your new partnerKeep the garbage off of the internet!!!!