DISCLAIMER This discussion is about Dominant/Submissive and Master/Slave relationships. We are not talking about other forms of power exchange relationships. There are other relationships such as Owner/pet, Daddy/babygirl and so on, that also have elements of power exchange.
Defining a D/s Relationship Power Exchange There will be a significant amount of control by one person. The exchange is typically not just during a scene. There is a commitment between the people to maintain a relationship.
Relationship Types Master or Mistress/slave Master or Dominant or Mistress/submissive
What extent? Part Time Long Distance Full time, non live-in Full time, live-in 24/7 Consensual Slavery
The Hierarchical Role D/s is a question of mind over matter. Does not require dungeon or sex toys Submission depends on his/her will to fulfill the needs of the Dominant. The Dominant must be able to direct the submissives will with his/her own. It requires much more mental play than physical.
Know What You Want To be served by another/serve another? Is it fulltime? Slave? Exclusive relationship? Is it just service and fun, or is a serious long- term relationship the goal?
Qualities to Look for in a Dom NOTE: Just because he/she is a good top does not automatically mean they will be a good dominant. Confidence without ASSHOLE
Ability 1.To control by will 2.To use toys safely 3.If the sub must tell the Dom how to dominant, they arent being dominated
Observant Creative Loving/cherishing/Detached – You have to be able to hurt and discipline the sub when needed without love getting in the way. Grateful, Courteous Honesty, Integrity
Qualities to Look For in a Sub Pride in him/herself – no doormats Respectful, Courteous Intelligent Honesty Attentive Able to perform tasks Obedient
Negotiation Consent, Consent, Consent Safewords/Limits Truth Interrogation – Lists
Contracts Do you have to have one? What are good things to include – Behavior/Body Functions/Interactions – Public Behavior (Are there different rules/expectations) – Expectations – Rules, Signals – Rewards/Punishments – Terms and amendments
The Collar Earning it and/or the petition Levels – Consideration – Training – Submissive – Slave Play vs. Everyday
Training(Beginning & Reinforcement) Living Together vs. Coming Together Punishment Play Time Protocols Rituals – Greeting, separation, eating, play Diary, journal
Submissive Attitude Dom(me) wishes are foremost Attentive near mind reading Intelligent vs. doormat RESPECT – Self, your Dom, other Doms Common sub positions (walking, sitting, standing, etc…)
Dom Attitude If you cant control yourself you can NOT control others. Recipe for failure – Making sub constantly do things they dont want to just because you can. Attentive HUGE responsibility Intelligent vs. Asshole Accountability (Self and Sub)
Punishment The scene of the crime vs. the scene of punishment Reserved implements Not Fun and not a play scene Impact, humiliation, deprivation Should fit the crime Working with anger
Rewards Praise, Praise, Praise Special Names Special toys or scenes (even if it doesnt turn you on) Added privileges
Ending the Relationship May equal pain caused by death Kindness and consideration Returning personal items/Dividing the booty Returning the collar and other scene accessories Try not to bad mouth each other Be gracious when meeting Dont gloat to your former partner with your new partner Keep the garbage off of the internet!!!!