Presentation on theme: "Healing Pornography Conflicts 1"— Presentation transcript:
1Healing Pornography Conflicts 1 Peter C. Kleponis, Ph.D.Richard P. Fitzgibbons, M.D.Comprehensive Counseling ServicesWest Conshohocken, PA
2Part 1 Objective – to understand the following: The Pornography Epidemic in AmericaDefinitions of PornographyPornography StatisticsPornography’s affect on Men, Women, Marriages, and YouthsPornography’s damage to One’s Spiritual LifeEnabling the Pornography Epidemic
3The Pornography Epidemic Pornography is a silent epidemic in AmericaThousands of males are enslavedJust as addictive as drugs or alcoholDamages relationships, marriages, families, careers, and relationship with GodBeen around for centuriesIntensified since the advent of the InternetMany refuse to acknowledge it
4Pornified Culture We have become desensitized to it. Try this experiment: Unplug. Don’t look at the Internet, television, or even print ads for a few days. As soon as you plug back in, you will see it again: skin everywhere. Porn is now mainstream.Jason Byassee, Not Your Father’s Pornography, First Things, 2008
5Definitions of Pornography Clinical DefinitionAny image that leads a person to use another person for their own sexual pleasure. It is devoid of relationship, love and intimacy. It can be highly addictive.
6Definitions of Pornography Catechism of the Catholic ChurchPornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. Cont.
7Definitions of Pornography Catechism of the Catholic Church - cont.It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants, since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense. Civil authorities should prevent the production and distribution of pornographic materials. CCC, 2354
8Pornography Time Statistics Every second - $3, is being spent on pornographyEvery second - 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornographyEvery second Internet users are typing adult search terms into search enginesEvery 39 minutes: a new pornographic video is being created in the United States
9Revenues The pornography industry earns over $97 Billion every year $13 Billion comes from the USAEarns more than the top technology companies combined: Microsoft, Google, Amazon, EBay, Yahoo, Apple, Netflix and EarthLink.Child Pornography generates $3 Billion
10Breakdown of Revenues Adult Videos $3.62 Internet $2.84 Cable/PPV/Phone Sex $2.19Strip Clubs $2.00Novelties $1.73Magazines $.95Total $13.33 billion
11Internet Pornography 4.2 million pornographic websites 420 million pornographic WebPages68 million daily pornographic search engine requests – Google25% of all search engine requests4.5 billion average daily pornographic s100 million child porn websites worldwide
12Adult Internet Porn Statistics Men admitting to accessing pornography at work: 20%US adults who regularly visit Internet pornography websites: 40 millionPromise Keeper men whoviewed pornography in lastweek: 53%
13Adult Internet Porn Statistics Christians who said pornography is a major problem in the home: 47%Adults admitting to Internet sexual addiction: 10%Breakdown of male/femalevisitors to pornography sites:72% male - 28% female
14The Truth About Statistics Pornography Statistics from:Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexuality by Gail Dines (2010).FamilySafeMedia.com (2010).IMPORTANT: All statistics presented are most probably gross underestimates of the true factsThe problem is probably worse than it appears!
15How Porn Enters the Home TelevisionComputer/InternetVideo GamesCell PhonesPrint MediaAdvertisingPopular MusicClothing
16Damage to Men from Porn and Masturbation Turns men in upon themselves thereby damaging their self-giving as spouses and fathersWeakens men thus preventing them from fulfilling their role as protectors and leaders and physical and spiritual fathersDamages male confidenceHarms the ability to see and to respect the true beauty of one’s wife/of women
17Damage to Men from Porn and Masturbation Loss of respect in women with increased tendency to control, dominate and overreact in angerHarms the ability to communicateLeads to reclusiveness and to an escape from realityPerpetuates lies and deceitIncreases guilt,shameHarms faith that strengthens menHarms the relationship with the Lord
18Porn Use Often Leads to Compulsive Sexual Behavior CSB appears to begin early in life, to have a male preponderance, and to run a chronic or episodic course. It is also commonly associated with psychiatric comorbidity, typically mood, anxiety, substance use, and personality disorders. Further research is needed to better our understanding of the disorder and improve our ability to develop specific interventions.Kuzma, JM, Black DW. Epidemiology, prevalence, and natural history of compulsive sexual behavior. Psychiatr Clin N. A Dec;31(4):
19The Addictiveness of Porn Men are visually stimulatedViewing an erotic image releases dopamine in the brain which is similar to a drug highCreates a feeling of excitementExcitement + Sexual Arousal + Orgasm = The desire for more!This is where an addiction can develop
20The Addictiveness of Porn Soon a tolerance developsMore of the substance is needed to achieve the same effect – “soft porn” is not enoughThe addict moves onto “hard-core porn,” which can include violence, children, fetishes, etc.Dependence develops after this. The person craves porn physically and emotionally.
21The Addictiveness of Porn Eventually viewing sexual acts in pornography is not enoughThe addict will want to engage in the sexual acts he has seen in pornographyHe may seek out prostitutes or anonymous sex partnersThis can result in contracting sexually transmitted diseases and even death
22Sexual Dating, Escort, and Chat Room Websites When viewing pornography is no longer satisfying, some men will turn to these sites to find people for the purpose of having sexOften done with escorts/prostitutesCan lead to heavy amounts of dangerous, anonymous, and/or promiscuous sexNo different than an extramarital affairCan go on for years
23Sexual Dating, Escort, and Chat Room Websites Some men use these sites to seduce others with no intention of ever meeting them.A fantasy worldLeading a woman on for the specific purpose of dumping her even before they meet. Used to vent anger toward women.Taking on the false identity of a handsome athletic teenager to boost male confidence.Taking on the identity of a woman in an attempt to seduce and vent anger toward men.
24Causes of the Porn Plague SelfishnessLonelinessMale insecurityPoor body imageMarital conflictsExcessive pressuresWeak spiritual life
25Causes of the Porn Plague Sexual utilitarian philosophyAccessibilityMistrust of women/menLack of a sense of fulfillmentLack of sexual confidenceThese conflicts lead to fivecore cognitive distortions.
26Cognitive Distortions that Fuel Pornography Addiction I am unworthy of being loved.If people really knew me, they would reject me.I cannot trust anyone, including God, to meet my needs.I must find something that I can control to meet my needs.A fantasy world is better than reality because I can control it.Pornography/sex is my greatest need and source of comfort.
27Characteristics of Addictive Pornography Use Done in isolationDevoid of relationship of intimacyHarms the addict and his loved onesUsed to try to escape conflictsEnds in despair
28Women and Pornography Women keeping their cyber activities secret: 70% Women struggling with pornography addiction: 17%Ratio of women to men favoring chat rooms: 2X
29Women and PornographyPercentage of visitors to adult websites who are women: 1 in 3 visitorsWomen accessing adult websites each month: 9.4 millionWomen admitting to accessing pornography at work: 13%
30How Wives Feel About Their Husbands Viewing Porn It is as serious as an extramarital affairThey feel deeply hurt and betrayedMakes them feel unattractive and sexually undesirableThey cannot compete with the young women in pornography
31How Wives Feel About Their Husbands Viewing Porn View their husbands as untrustworthy and as weak role models for childrenLeads to severe marital problems and even divorce
32Damage to Marriage/Family A delusional belief that fantasy is better than authentic loveGrowth in selfishness, the major enemy of marital love, with severe harm to one’s spouseFailure to understand and appreciation the beauty and sacredness of marital loveLack of refinement in self-giving to the romantic aspect of marriage, the marital friendship and to the intimate relationshipDiminished communication with one's spouse
33Damage to Marriage/Family Sadness, anger, weakened confidence, diminished ability to trust in offended spouseHarms marital intimacyIncreases loneliness and angerCreates a disordered view of beauty, goodness, the human person and sexualityIncreases vulnerability to adulteryLeads to marital separation & divorceWeakens the spiritual life
34Damage to Marriage/Family Pornography use plays a role in 65% of divorcesIn fact, porn may be behind the general dampening of libido in our culture.An article in New York magazine in 2004 says enough by its title: Not Tonight, Honey. I’m Logging On.Jason Byassee, Not Your Father’s Pornography, First Things, 2008
35Warning Signs in Marriage Neglecting the romantic aspect of the marriageNeglecting the marital friendshipLoss of interest in the intimate relationshipGoing to bed several hours after the wifeIntuitive sense that he fails to appreciate his wife’s beauty and goodness
36Warning Signs in Marriage 6. Masturbatory conflicts7. Difficulty with sexual performance8. Minimizes the seriousness of porn9. Attempts to isolate from spouse with the computer10. Preoccupation with oral sex
37Porn in the Bedroom Enticed to intensity/improve sexual pleasure. Driven by conflicts described earlier and by sinNever helps a marriageManipulates/coerces spouses into committing degrading sexual actsOften leads to marital infidelity
38Spousal Response to the Conflict Correction and demand for changeAttempt to do so without excessive anger which is challengingDescribe to offending spouse the betrayal pain that is identical to that of infidelityChallenge the husband to be loyal to his marital vows and to his vocation as the protector of the marriage and childrenInsist that he know himself, work to overcome the conflict and meet with a third party as a couple
39Damage to Young MenInvolvement in the fantasy world undermines their ability to relate to women in a healthy mannerInterferes with the development of a healthy personalityHarms their ability to understand and want to make a loving commitment in marriageFosters the hook-up cultureResults in “sexual obesity”
40Damage to Young MenCan lead to severe loneliness, depression, social anxiety and profound weaknesses in confidenceGiven the severe harm caused by pornography in marriages, premarital programs should address this issue.If the person is unwilling to address and resolve this conflict, a young woman should reconsider marriage.The Church should consider not allowing such a person to marry.
41Damage to Young Women/Girls According to the APA, the culture can be infused with sexualized representations of girls and women, suggesting that such sexualisation is good and normal. This leads to girls and women feeling bad about themselves: there is evidence that sexualisation contributes to impaired cognitive performance in college-aged women, and related research suggests that viewing material that is sexually objectifying can contribute to body dissatisfaction, eating disorders, low self-esteem, depressive affect, and even physical health problems in high-school-aged girls and in young women.
42Damage to Young Women/Girls In addition to leading to feelings of shame and anxiety, sexualizing treatment and self- objectification can generate feelings of disgust toward one’s physical self. Girls may feel they are ugly and gross. APA Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls (2007)www.apa.org/pi/women/programs/girls/report.aspx
43Damage to Young Women/Girls Males pressure girls to send them nude photos of themselves on cell phones and/or engage in “sexting.”Males insist upon having pornography as an aspect of their relationship.Girls are being invited to see themselves not as healthy, active and imaginative girls, but as hot and sassy tweens on the prowl. Andrea Nauze and Emma Rush, Corporate Pedophilia: Sexualization of children in Australia (2006)
44Damage to Young Women/Girls Females are reduced to sex toys and masturbatory aids. And men are portrayed as predatory and masterful, never as gentle and considerate lovers.The American Psychological Association makes the vital point that sexualisation practices may function to keep girls ‘in their place’ as objects of sexual attraction and beauty, significantly limiting their free thinking and movement in the culture.
45Children and Pornography Average age of a child’s first exposure to internet pornography: 1180% of 15 – 17 year olds have had multiple exposures to hard-core porn89% of all solicitations of youth in chat rooms are sexual29% of 7 – 17 year olds would freely give out their addresses online
46Damage to Children Robs children of their innocence. Introduces them to a world they are not able to understand.Leaves children with a distorted view of sexualityPromotes the Sexual Utilitarian PhilosophyTeaches boys that it is okay to use womenTeaches girls that men are violent and cannot be trustedChildren imitate behavior they view in adult pornography with other children.
47Damage to ChildrenAn extensive recent study of hardcore adult pornography, shows how it contributes to the sexual exploitation of children -For many perpetrators there is a progression from viewing adult porn to viewing child porn.Perpetrators use pornography to groom their victims.
48Damage to Spiritual Life Bishop Robert Finn wrote, paraphrasing John Paul II, that "the problem with pornography is not that it reveals too much of the person (exposed in the image), but that it reveals too little of the person. The person in the image is reduced to their sexual organs and sexual faculties and is thereby de-personalized," Blessed Are The Pure In Heart: A Pastoral Letter on the Dignity of the Human Person and the Dangers of Pornography, February 21, 2007
49Damage to Spiritual Life "This plague stalks the souls of men, women and children, ravages the bonds of marriage and victimizes the most innocent among us. It obscures and destroys people’s ability to see one another as unique and beautiful expressions of God’s creation, instead darkening their vision, causing them to view others as objects to be used and manipulated.Those who engage in such activity deprive themselves of sanctifying grace and destroy the life of Christ in their souls.” Bishop Loverde’s Letter, 2006
50Enabling the Porn Plague Permissive parenting style with an abandonment of emotional and spiritual leadershipSelfishness in parentsContraceptive mentalityFailure to appreciate the beauty and sacredness of marital loveFailure to communicate the fullness of the Church’s teaching on sexual morality
51Enabling the Porn Plague Lack of awareness of the harm caused by porn and masturbationMediaEducatorsCultural animus against Judeo-Christian moralitySociety’s refusal to address the issue
52Contact Peter C. Kleponis, Ph.D. Assistant Director Comprehensive Counseling Services100 Four Falls Corporate CenterSuite 312West Conshohocken, PA