Presentation on theme: "Healing Pornography Conflicts 1 Peter C. Kleponis, Ph.D. Richard P. Fitzgibbons, M.D. Comprehensive Counseling Services West Conshohocken, PA www.maritalhealing.com."— Presentation transcript:
Healing Pornography Conflicts 1 Peter C. Kleponis, Ph.D. Richard P. Fitzgibbons, M.D. Comprehensive Counseling Services West Conshohocken, PA
2 Part 1 Objective – to understand the following: The Pornography Epidemic in America Definitions of Pornography Pornography Statistics Pornographys affect on Men, Women, Marriages, and Youths Pornographys damage to Ones Spiritual Life Enabling the Pornography Epidemic
3 The Pornography Epidemic Pornography is a silent epidemic in America Thousands of males are enslaved Just as addictive as drugs or alcohol Damages relationships, marriages, families, careers, and relationship with God Been around for centuries Intensified since the advent of the Internet Many refuse to acknowledge it
4 Pornified Culture We have become desensitized to it. Try this experiment: Unplug. Dont look at the Internet, television, or even print ads for a few days. As soon as you plug back in, you will see it again: skin everywhere. Porn is now mainstream. Jason Byassee, Not Your Fathers Pornography, First Things, 2008
5 Definitions of Pornography Clinical Definition Any image that leads a person to use another person for their own sexual pleasure. It is devoid of relationship, love and intimacy. It can be highly addictive.
6 Definitions of Pornography Catechism of the Catholic Church Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. Cont.
7 Definitions of Pornography Catechism of the Catholic Church - cont. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants, since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense. Civil authorities should prevent the production and distribution of pornographic materials. CCC, 2354
8 Pornography Time Statistics Every second - $3, is being spent on pornography Every second - 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography Every second Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines Every 39 minutes: a new pornographic video is being created in the United States
9 Revenues The pornography industry earns over $97 Billion every year $13 Billion comes from the USA Earns more than the top technology companies combined: Microsoft, Google, Amazon, EBay, Yahoo, Apple, Netflix and EarthLink. Child Pornography generates $3 Billion
10 Breakdown of Revenues Adult Videos$3.62 Internet$2.84 Cable/PPV/Phone Sex$2.19 Strip Clubs$2.00 Novelties$1.73 Magazines $.95 Total $13.33 billion
11 Internet Pornography 4.2 million pornographic websites 420 million pornographic WebPages 68 million daily pornographic search engine requests – Google 25% of all search engine requests 4.5 billion average daily pornographic s 100 million child porn websites worldwide
12 Adult Internet Porn Statistics Men admitting to accessing pornography at work: 20% US adults who regularly visit Internet pornography websites: 40 million Promise Keeper men who viewed pornography in last week: 53%
13 Adult Internet Porn Statistics Christians who said pornography is a major problem in the home: 47% Adults admitting to Internet sexual addiction: 10% Breakdown of male/female visitors to pornography sites: 72% male - 28% female
14 The Truth About Statistics Pornography Statistics from: Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexuality by Gail Dines (2010). FamilySafeMedia.com (2010). IMPORTANT: All statistics presented are most probably gross underestimates of the true facts The problem is probably worse than it appears!
15 How Porn Enters the Home Television Computer/Internet Video Games Cell Phones Print Media Advertising Popular Music Clothing
16 Damage to Men from Porn and Masturbation Turns men in upon themselves thereby damaging their self-giving as spouses and fathers Weakens men thus preventing them from fulfilling their role as protectors and leaders and physical and spiritual fathers Damages male confidence Harms the ability to see and to respect the true beauty of ones wife/of women
17 Damage to Men from Porn and Masturbation Loss of respect in women with increased tendency to control, dominate and overreact in anger Harms the ability to communicate Leads to reclusiveness and to an escape from reality Perpetuates lies and deceit Increases guilt,shame Harms faith that strengthens men Harms the relationship with the Lord
18 Porn Use Often Leads to Compulsive Sexual Behavior CSB appears to begin early in life, to have a male preponderance, and to run a chronic or episodic course. It is also commonly associated with psychiatric comorbidity, typically mood, anxiety, substance use, and personality disorders. Further research is needed to better our understanding of the disorder and improve our ability to develop specific interventions. Kuzma, JM, Black DW. Epidemiology, prevalence, and natural history of compulsive sexual behavior. Psychiatr Clin N. A Dec;31(4):
19 The Addictiveness of Porn Men are visually stimulated Viewing an erotic image releases dopamine in the brain which is similar to a drug high Creates a feeling of excitement Excitement + Sexual Arousal + Orgasm = The desire for more! This is where an addiction can develop
20 The Addictiveness of Porn Soon a tolerance develops More of the substance is needed to achieve the same effect – soft porn is not enough The addict moves onto hard-core porn, which can include violence, children, fetishes, etc. Dependence develops after this. The person craves porn physically and emotionally.
21 The Addictiveness of Porn Eventually viewing sexual acts in pornography is not enough The addict will want to engage in the sexual acts he has seen in pornography He may seek out prostitutes or anonymous sex partners This can result in contracting sexually transmitted diseases and even death
22 Sexual Dating, Escort, and Chat Room Websites When viewing pornography is no longer satisfying, some men will turn to these sites to find people for the purpose of having sex Often done with escorts/prostitutes Can lead to heavy amounts of dangerous, anonymous, and/or promiscuous sex No different than an extramarital affair Can go on for years
23 Sexual Dating, Escort, and Chat Room Websites Some men use these sites to seduce others with no intention of ever meeting them. A fantasy world Leading a woman on for the specific purpose of dumping her even before they meet. Used to vent anger toward women. Taking on the false identity of a handsome athletic teenager to boost male confidence. Taking on the identity of a woman in an attempt to seduce and vent anger toward men.
24 Causes of the Porn Plague Selfishness Loneliness Male insecurity Poor body image Marital conflicts Excessive pressures Weak spiritual life
25 Causes of the Porn Plague Sexual utilitarian philosophy Accessibility Mistrust of women/men Lack of a sense of fulfillment Lack of sexual confidence These conflicts lead to five core cognitive distortions.
26 Cognitive Distortions that Fuel Pornography Addiction I am unworthy of being loved. If people really knew me, they would reject me. I cannot trust anyone, including God, to meet my needs. I must find something that I can control to meet my needs. A fantasy world is better than reality because I can control it. Pornography/sex is my greatest need and source of comfort.
27 Characteristics of Addictive Pornography Use Done in isolation Devoid of relationship of intimacy Harms the addict and his loved ones Used to try to escape conflicts Ends in despair
28 Women and Pornography Women keeping their cyber activities secret: 70% Women struggling with pornography addiction: 17% Ratio of women to men favoring chat rooms: 2X
29 Women and Pornography Percentage of visitors to adult websites who are women: 1 in 3 visitors Women accessing adult websites each month: 9.4 million Women admitting to accessing pornography at work: 13%
30 How Wives Feel About Their Husbands Viewing Porn It is as serious as an extramarital affair They feel deeply hurt and betrayed Makes them feel unattractive and sexually undesirable They cannot compete with the young women in pornography
31 How Wives Feel About Their Husbands Viewing Porn View their husbands as untrustworthy and as weak role models for children Leads to severe marital problems and even divorce
32 Damage to Marriage/Family A delusional belief that fantasy is better than authentic love Growth in selfishness, the major enemy of marital love, with severe harm to ones spouse Failure to understand and appreciation the beauty and sacredness of marital love Lack of refinement in self-giving to the romantic aspect of marriage, the marital friendship and to the intimate relationship Diminished communication with one's spouse
33 Damage to Marriage/Family Sadness, anger, weakened confidence, diminished ability to trust in offended spouse Harms marital intimacy Increases loneliness and anger Creates a disordered view of beauty, goodness, the human person and sexuality Increases vulnerability to adultery Leads to marital separation & divorce Weakens the spiritual life
34 Damage to Marriage/Family Pornography use plays a role in 65% of divorces In fact, porn may be behind the general dampening of libido in our culture. An article in New York magazine in 2004 says enough by its title: Not Tonight, Honey. Im Logging On. Jason Byassee, Not Your Fathers Pornography, First Things, 2008
35 Warning Signs in Marriage 1. Neglecting the romantic aspect of the marriage 2. Neglecting the marital friendship 3. Loss of interest in the intimate relationship 4. Going to bed several hours after the wife 5. Intuitive sense that he fails to appreciate his wifes beauty and goodness
36 Warning Signs in Marriage 6. Masturbatory conflicts 7. Difficulty with sexual performance 8. Minimizes the seriousness of porn 9. Attempts to isolate from spouse with the computer 10. Preoccupation with oral sex
37 Porn in the Bedroom Enticed to intensity/improve sexual pleasure. Driven by conflicts described earlier and by sin Never helps a marriage Manipulates/coerces spouses into committing degrading sexual acts Often leads to marital infidelity
38 Spousal Response to the Conflict Correction and demand for change Attempt to do so without excessive anger which is challenging Describe to offending spouse the betrayal pain that is identical to that of infidelity Challenge the husband to be loyal to his marital vows and to his vocation as the protector of the marriage and children Insist that he know himself, work to overcome the conflict and meet with a third party as a couple
39 Damage to Young Men Involvement in the fantasy world undermines their ability to relate to women in a healthy manner Interferes with the development of a healthy personality Harms their ability to understand and want to make a loving commitment in marriage Fosters the hook-up culture Results in sexual obesity
40 Damage to Young Men Can lead to severe loneliness, depression, social anxiety and profound weaknesses in confidence Given the severe harm caused by pornography in marriages, premarital programs should address this issue. If the person is unwilling to address and resolve this conflict, a young woman should reconsider marriage. The Church should consider not allowing such a person to marry.
41 Damage to Young Women/Girls According to the APA, the culture can be infused with sexualized representations of girls and women, suggesting that such sexualisation is good and normal. This leads to girls and women feeling bad about themselves: there is evidence that sexualisation contributes to impaired cognitive performance in college-aged women, and related research suggests that viewing material that is sexually objectifying can contribute to body dissatisfaction, eating disorders, low self-esteem, depressive affect, and even physical health problems in high-school-aged girls and in young women.
42 Damage to Young Women/Girls In addition to leading to feelings of shame and anxiety, sexualizing treatment and self- objectification can generate feelings of disgust toward ones physical self. Girls may feel they are ugly and gross. APA Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls (2007)www.apa.org/pi/women/programs/girls/re port.aspx port.aspx
43 Damage to Young Women/Girls Males pressure girls to send them nude photos of themselves on cell phones and/or engage in sexting. Males insist upon having pornography as an aspect of their relationship. Girls are being invited to see themselves not as healthy, active and imaginative girls, but as hot and sassy tweens on the prowl. Andrea Nauze and Emma Rush, Corporate Pedophilia: Sexualization of children in Australia (2006 )
44 Damage to Young Women/Girls Females are reduced to sex toys and masturbatory aids. And men are portrayed as predatory and masterful, never as gentle and considerate lovers. The American Psychological Association makes the vital point that sexualisation practices may function to keep girls in their place as objects of sexual attraction and beauty, significantly limiting their free thinking and movement in the culture.
45 Children and Pornography Average age of a childs first exposure to internet pornography: 11 80% of 15 – 17 year olds have had multiple exposures to hard-core porn 89% of all solicitations of youth in chat rooms are sexual 29% of 7 – 17 year olds would freely give out their addresses online
46 Damage to Children Robs children of their innocence. Introduces them to a world they are not able to understand. Leaves children with a distorted view of sexuality Promotes the Sexual Utilitarian Philosophy Teaches boys that it is okay to use women Teaches girls that men are violent and cannot be trusted Children imitate behavior they view in adult pornography with other children.
47 Damage to Children An extensive recent study of hardcore adult pornography, shows how it contributes to the sexual exploitation of children -www.moralityinmedia.org For many perpetrators there is a progression from viewing adult porn to viewing child porn. Perpetrators use pornography to groom their victims.
48 Damage to Spiritual Life Bishop Robert Finn wrote, paraphrasing John Paul II, that "the problem with pornography is not that it reveals too much of the person (exposed in the image), but that it reveals too little of the person. The person in the image is reduced to their sexual organs and sexual faculties and is thereby de- personalized," Blessed Are The Pure In Heart: A Pastoral Letter on the Dignity of the Human Person and the Dangers of Pornography, February 21, 2007
49 Damage to Spiritual Life "This plague stalks the souls of men, women and children, ravages the bonds of marriage and victimizes the most innocent among us. It obscures and destroys peoples ability to see one another as unique and beautiful expressions of Gods creation, instead darkening their vision, causing them to view others as objects to be used and manipulated. Those who engage in such activity deprive themselves of sanctifying grace and destroy the life of Christ in their souls. Bishop Loverdes Letter, 2006
50 Enabling the Porn Plague Permissive parenting style with an abandonment of emotional and spiritual leadership Selfishness in parents Contraceptive mentality Failure to appreciate the beauty and sacredness of marital love Failure to communicate the fullness of the Churchs teaching on sexual morality
51 Enabling the Porn Plague Lack of awareness of the harm caused by porn and masturbation Media Educators Cultural animus against Judeo-Christian morality Societys refusal to address the issue
52 Contact Peter C. Kleponis, Ph.D. Assistant Director Comprehensive Counseling Services 100 Four Falls Corporate Center Suite 312 West Conshohocken, PA