1. Use of Details
Use names of people and places, times and dates, colors, sounds, smells, textures, and tastes as relevant to your story.
Try to paint a picture with your words
Show rather than tell your reader about your experiences.
Theme: Compassion for working with disabled people
Without Detail: I developed a new compassion for the disabled when I was a young man.
With Detail in a Story: The next time that Mrs. Cooper asked me to help her across Main Street, I smiled and immediately took her arm.
Quick activity: Write a few sentences that show you are scared. Then compare your sentences with someone next to you.

2. Basics of Writing Organization of the Essays
Each of these essays should have a clear beginning (introduction), middle (body), and end (conclusion).
Remember that each paragraph should have a topic sentence, supporting details (such as a story or experiences), and a concluding sentence.
Transitions: transitions are crucial because they affect the coherence and impact of the essay as a whole. The beginnings and endings of each paragraph are the places to make connections between experiences, explain your progression, and highlight your key themes or main points.
Beginning Level Transition: Volunteering to help in my local health center as a girl provided a great deal of valuable experience.
Advanced Level Transition: Although working at Santa Ana Community Health Center as a sixteen-year old showed me the fulfilling nature of community service and introduced me to medicine, I also learned through my interactions with patients that their health care was inadequate, which has driven me to find ways to improve the health system there.

3. Basics of Writing Style of the Essays: Avoid Repetition
Use diverse sentence lengths and structures. Mix in short and long sentences, different transition words, etc.
Sample: “I saw the patient look up as I entered the room. Sensing his discomfort, I tried to ease his concerns by greeting him warmly with a smile and handshake. Although his brightening eyes showed that he appreciated the gesture, pain prevented him from responding further.”
Use specific, diverse, and active word choice.
Sample: “I negotiated a compromise to satisfy the local farmers’ need for productivity with the environmental concerns of sustaining the forest and habitat.”

4. The Personal Statement and Study Objectives Are Different Essays
Make it personal—about you. When a person finishes reading this essay, they should feel like they know something special about you.
Write a story about 1 or 2 experiences in your life that directly relate to your work, community, and passion. This should also be relevant to your future goals.
It is about who you are and why you seek a graduate degree. This is largely show through a story about what inspires you to do what you do.
The Study Objectives
This will be more traditional in essay structure—clear, organized, and straight-forward.
It is still helpful to give a short illustration of your work, perhaps an experience you had working when you realized your need for further expertise, but the main focus is descriptive of the program you want to take, how the program will help you in your work, and how it will help you achieve your future goals.
It is about what you do, how you will do it better with a graduate degree, and how you will achieve your goals. This primarily shows that you have a well-thought out plan of action.

5. Know the Program You Want
For the “Study Objectives” essay, you don’t need to know the specific school to go to, but you should know the kind of program, classes, and experience that will help you achieve your goals.
Do some serious thinking about what you want to do, what you currently lack, and what you need to learn.
Get a better understanding of the programs available. Look at some of the programs from the partner universities of IFP to see what they offer and how your needs can be met there. (Keep in mind, you will need to work with CEEVN to find the best program to fit your needs, IFP, and your language ability.)
After telling a relevant anecdote about your work, make sure you give specific information about what you plan to learn, how the degree program relates to your work experience, and how it will help you achieve your main goal.
Sample Outline
Story that shows what kind of work you do and your specialized interest in this field, concluding with a statement of your overall goal.
Description of what kind of training you need to receive in order to be more effective in your current work, connecting back to the story you chose in the introduction.
Description of what you plan to do with the degree and training to reach your main goal.

6. Group Activity: Model Essays
In groups of 3-4 people, read the two model essays.
Assign someone to facilitate/lead the discussion, and someone to record your answers.
Then, discuss and answer the following questions:
Which essay is a personal statement and which is a study objective essay?
What are the differences in how the two essays are written?
Which of the essays uses a story? Both, the doctor essay, or the MBA student, or neither.
What does each of the essays do well? (Use the list of advice I provided previously and your own insight)
What are some weaknesses of the essays? (Again, use the list of advice as well as any of your own insight)
Is there a clear beginning, middle, and end?
Does the author use transitions to connect paragraphs and ideas together? What is a good example?
What do we learn about who the author is in each essay?
After minutes, we will report back to each other.

7. Individual Activity
Now read your own personal statement and study objectives.
Ask yourself the same questions from the group activity.
Try to edit and revise your essays according to some of the advice and criteria you have just learned.
I will be available from today through Friday to help with your essays.