1. Coping with Conflict and Stress
Chapter 6
Coping with Conflict and Stress

2. What is Conflict
Conflict – any situation in which ideas or interests go against one another.
Conflicts are not all bad. When resolved in a healthy way, it can help us learn and grow.
If conflicts are not settled, they can result in headaches, lack of sleep, emotional problems, and even violence.
Internal Conflict – a conflict with yourself.
- Trying to make a decision between two or more things can be hard. Expectations of others, such as teachers, parents and peers can make this even more difficult.
External Conflict – a conflict that happens with another person or group of people.
At some point you will have an argument or disagreement with another person. This can happen anywhere. At school, community, political groups, nations, or even at home.
Conflict often happens because of different values and beliefs.

3. Managing Conflict * Communicating during a conflict is very important.
Communication – the way in which people send and receive information.
Communication can determine whether a conflict will get resolved or will even start.
Speak calmly and respectfully, be clear about your point, say what you mean, and watch your body language.
By being careful about the way you communicate, you can create positive outcomes to many of your conflicts.

4. Resolving Conflicts
Conflict Resolution – the process of finding a solution to a conflict with which everybody involved in the conflict agrees. 3 Ways a conflict will end: 1. Win-Win Situation – everyone involved is pleased with the solution. - This is the best outcome. One way to get this through peer mediation. Mediator – person who guides those involved to a peaceful solution to their conflict. 2. Win-Lose Situation – one side is pleased with the solution, but the other is not. 3. Lose-Lose – neither side is pleased with the outcome.

5. Managing Conflict
To resolve a conflict, both sides must be willing to understand the other side’s point of view.
Empathy – the ability to understand or identify with the ideas or feeling of another person or group.
-this doesn’t mean agreeing, it means you attempt to put yourself in others’ shoes and try to understand the way they do.
- If we focus only on our own feelings and desires, conflicts end in win-lose or lose-lose situations.

6. Strategies for Conflict
Negotiation – The process of give and take.
Talking about what each want, which things are most important to them and what sacrifices they are willing to make will allow them to reach a conclusion.
Compromise – a solution in which both sides give things to come to an agreement.
Example: argue over pizza toppings. One decides pizza toppings this week and the other person decides toppings next week.
Collaboration – a solution in which both parties agree what they want without having to give up anything important.
Example: one half pizza with their topping, the other half of pizza the other persons toppings.
Walking Away – simply walk away from the situation. You must decide whether it is worth your time and energy to be in certain conflicts. Some are just not worth it so pick your battles. This does not mean you avoid conflicts.

7. Anger and Conflict
Anger – a strong negative feeling toward someone or something that is caused by a sense of being hurt or wronged.
It is a normal human emotion and is neither good nor bad.
Anger at Events – can happen at a concert, something you read in the paper, watched on the news, occurred at your school. Anger occurs when things don’t occur the way you want them to.
Anger with others – anger happens because of something someone else has done or said. Some do it on purpose just to make us angry. Example: teasing, bullying, and name calling. Others may just be rude or insensitive to your feelings.

8. Yourself and Anger
Take a look at yourself – sometimes your behavior might cause someone else to feel angry. Always look at your own behavior to make sure it is not upsetting the people around you. If you are aware of your environment and the effect of your behavior on others, you can avoid this type of situation. Anger turned in – its easy to see how you can become angry at events or others. However, it is easy to become angry at ourselves. You feel guilty, know you have disappointed someone or know you have done wrong. You may become angry at yourself then. Forgive yourself – make sure you always look at your mistakes, know how to correct it next time and move on. Don’t hold on to the past. Know mistakes are made and learn from them.

9. Managing Anger
Anger is not necessarily unhealthy unless it turns to violence.
Violence – using physical force to hurt someone or to cause damage.
If anger is not managed, violence is often the result.
If emotions are not dealt with, they continue to build and cause anger and violence.

10. Predicting Violence Signs that others might become violence:
Verbal signs – yelling and profanity will occur. Words are usually angry and threatening. Verbal threats against a person or group of people will occur.
Physical signs – often move into your personal space and body language is tense. They may clench their fist or their facial expressions may show anger.

11. Preventing Violence
Calling a truce – taking a break form the conflict to let things calm down. -Knowing and recognizing things may be getting out of hand or that it is lasting to long, calling a truce is best. This does not mean you are walking away from the conflict. You will still need to come back and resolve it. You are just letting all involved time to calm down. Going to Far – Failing to manage your anger will have consequences. This may cause bitterness and hurtful feelings. It can cause relationship problems and ruin some. If anger turns to violence you will eventually deal with the police. Tell someone about it – make sure you always report any kind of threats or aggressive behavior before violence occurs. By being aware of clues violence may happen you may help prevent violence.

12. Expressing Anger Healthy Expressions of Anger
Watch your Words– stay calm and tell people why you are angry.
Share your feelings – say what you think to help fix the conflict.
Watch your body language – keep your distance, don’t use your hands and keep your facial expressions calm.

13. What is Stress?
Stress – a physical and emotional response that is the result of a new or uncomfortable situation. -Everybody has stress in his or her life. The amount of stress a person experiences can vary from day to day. -Some may feel very overwhelmed by the amount of stress and may not have control over the amount of stress in your life. -If stress is managed correctly, it can be something that drives you to succeed and grow. - If managed poorly, it can cause serious physical, mental and emotional problems.

14. Negative Stress
Distress – negative stress that results in problems in your life.
Sometimes it can be the result of a negative situation, like an injury or illness that is out of your control.
Other times it can be managing stress poorly. This is typically in our control. Taking a test can cause stress.
Remember, almost every problem has a solution and every bad time will pass eventually if you confront it and work to solve it.
Signs of negative stress: If we can recognize these signs we will know when to get help.
Physically: you may be tired, experience health problems like stomachaches, headaches, hair loss and heart problems.
Emotionally: you may have nervousness, restlessness, and sadness which can lead to more serious problems like depression or suicide

15. Positive Stress
Eustress – Positive stress that pushes us to do better or to grow.
Pressure to do well can lead us to perform better in what ever it is we are trying to do.
Positive stress can also result from happy events that lead to changes in a persons life. We need to focus on the happiness not the changes.
Recognize positive stress:
Often positive stress will lead to increased performance, energy, and even excitement.
There is a different kind of stress when trying to get a higher grade than to try avoiding low grades.
Recognize sources of stress in your life that are positive and don’t let them become a source of negative stress. Positive stress can have negative effects if we have too much of it in our lives.
Being pushed to win or get better grades can develop into some of the symptoms that are caused by negative stress.

16. Sources of Stress
Stress can be caused by almost anything but it is usually a response to new or uncomfortable emotions or an unexpected or uncomfortable event.
Stress is caused by our emotions as to how we react to situations and by your feelings about them.
It is very important to deal with the stressful emotions before they become a problem.
Stressful emotions are perfectly normal, but if they are not addressed, they can lead to more serious physical and mental problems.

17. What causes Stressful Emotions?
Stressful Emotions come from: 1. Relationships with other people. 2. Expectations that others have for you 3. Performance 4. Events in our lives – when they are out of our control, it becomes even more stressful. * Knowing how to manage stressful emotions can lessen the impact that stress has on your life.

18. Managing Stess
Not all stress can be avoided, but some of it can be prevented. Try different ways to manage stress each time you face stress. That way you will find out which ones work the best for you.
How to manage stress:
1. Practice helps - the older you get, the easier it may become to recognize and prevent stressful situations.
2. Remember how you dealt with it in the past – do it differently if a similar situation arises.
3. Stay out of situations that caused you stress in the past.
4. Plan ahead – don’t procrastinate on things.
5. Talk about it – this is one of the easiest ways to deal with stress. The problem may seem bigger if you keep it to yourself. Someone else may be able to think of a solution that you had not considered.
6. Go to a trusting person for advice – others may make your stress even worse.
7. Do a physical activity – what ever activity you choose should be enjoyable and take your mind and energy away from the cause of your stress. This will allow you to feel refreshed and better able to cope with the problem.
8. Be creative – you may want to write in a journal, draw, read a book, listen to music, go to the movies or mall