1. Issues in Search and Reunion for Birth/Foster/Kin/Adoptive Families To forget one's ancestors is to be a brook without a source A tree without root~ Chinese Proverb

2. Session Nine: The Impact of Search and Reunion for Persons From Birth/Foster/Kin/Adopt Families Search and reunion-- two very separate issues-- need to be viewed on a continuum. The continuum of closed adoption, open adoption, internal search, external search, minor search, adult searches, and a plethora of reunion options. This session, will address the critical issues of search and reunion from the perspectives of all members of the family constellation: foster/adopted person, foster/adopted parent, and birth parent. The session will also explore the differences between search and reunion as well as the bias and judgment that a professional can bring to an exploration of these issues.

3. Session Nine: The Impact of Search and Reunion for Persons From Birth/Foster/Kin/Adopt Families Session Nine Competencies Knows and understands the power and complexities of search and reunion as it relates to permanency.

4. Session Nine: The Impact of Search and Reunion for Persons From Birth/Foster/Kin/Adopt Families Search and reunion-- two very separate issues-- need to be viewed on a continuum. The continuum of closed adoption, open adoption, internal search, external search, minor search, adult searches, and a plethora of reunion options. This session, will address the critical issues of search and reunion from the perspectives of all members of the family constellation: foster/adopted person, foster/adopted parent, and birth parent. The session will also explore the differences between search and reunion as well as the bias and judgment that a professional can bring to an exploration of these issues.

5. Session Nine Competencies Knows and understands the power and complexities of search and reunion as it relates to permanency.

6. Session Nine Objectives Describe skills in working with foster/adopted children, youth and birth/kin/foster/adoptive families on issue of openness, ongoing connections, search and reunion. Explain the separate issues involved in search and reunion. Describe the continuum of search and reunion, Demonstrate discussing the process of search and reunion with children, youth and families. Demonstrate preparing and facilitating reunion between parties involved in the adoption process.

7. Search/Reunion The desire to search for birth relatives is a normal part of the identity formation process for adopted people. Many adopted people decide to search for their birth family at some point during their lives. There are many reasons why adopted people choose to search: The desire for general birth family information like names of birth parents Where they live What they are like Information about birth family traits and personalities Information about the circumstances surrounding the adoption The need for medical information ( www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/search/searching)

8. Preparing for the Search Reconnection with birth parent(s) can be emotionally grueling. It is important to be ready. Prepare yourself beforehand, and you’ll be well on your way to re-establishing contact. It’s natural to be scared or nervous. Move forward when you’re ready, and gather your support system around you.

9. Preparing for the Search Questions to Ask Yourself: Do you have the resources and time necessary to complete the search? Which resources and mediums will you be using? Do you have a sturdy, reliable support system? Are you interested in using a paid searcher? Are you prepared to not experience the ideal outcome? Are you ready to see this search through to the end?

10. Preparing for the Search Getting Ready to Search: Reasons People Search (Adopted Persons) Why would someone search for his or her birth family? People search for different reasons. Some people who were adopted want: - access to their medical or ethnic history. - to have answers to their questions, know the first chapter of their story and understand why they were placed for adoption. - to know if they have biological siblings and see who they look like. - to see if their birth parents are well and happy, if their parents think of them and to thank them.

11. Preparing for the Search Getting Ready to Search: Reasons People Search (Birth Families) A birth family may search for the person who was adopted to see: - what they look like and what kind of person they’ve become. - ensure that they are happy and were properly cared for. - to tell them that they were loved by their first parents. Some merely want information, while most will seek contact and a relationship.

12. Preparing for the Search Getting Ready to Search: Addressing Fears Often before a person decides to search, they grapple with some anxiety. Many fear that - the other party may not want to be found and that a reunion would be disruptive to their life - they won’t like what they find, such as an unhappy, unstable, or deceased adoptee or birth parent - they won’t measure up to the other parties’ hopes or expectations - they won’t know what to say or how to approach reunification Some adoptees fear that an interest in their birth family will make their adoptive parents feel displaced or insecure.

13. Preparing for the Search Getting Ready to Search: Barriers to Successful Reunions Conducting a post-adoption search on your own can be frustrating, difficult and unfortunately, often unsuccessful due to - a lack of adequate information with which to search - uncooperative state laws, agencies and/or hospitals - sealed, destroyed, lost or altered records That said, many people have been successful in a search for a birth family. If you choose to attempt a search on your own, the following slides are some essential steps that may yield results.

14. Preparing for the Search How To Search: Find Support Identifying supports before your journey begins will be key. Support can come in the form of a friend, family member, or professional whom you trust. It can also come through connecting with others who have been through the journey. You can connect through social media channels, support groups, or online forums. No matter what supports you choose, make sure you have a place where you can talk about your experiences and share your feelings openly. Ensuring you have these supports in place ahead of time can save you a lot of stress in the long run.online forums

15. Preparing for the Search How to Search: Ask Your Adoptive Parents for Information Asking your adoptive parents for information regarding your adoption can prove to be very helpful. They may have information such as the agency or attorney that completed the adoption, the names of your birth parents, or even an original birth certificate. These bits of information can provide you with a great starting point for your search.

16. Preparing for the Search How to Search: Contact Anyone Who Might Have Information About Your Adoption - The placing agency/attorney. They will likely only be allowed to give you non-identifying information—such as a physical description of the birth parents, their age, health or medical information, and other family background information—but this can provide clues. Some will document your consent in case the other party contacts them as well. - The obstetrician involved in the birth, and/or the hospital where the birth occurred. - Any orphanages, Mother’s Homes, or other organizations that may have been involved.

17. Preparing for the Search How To Search: Gather Documents Contact the Vital Records and Statistics Department from the state of your birth/adoption. Most states have a mutual consent adoption registry. When both parties have registered, the state will release the information. A few states require a waiver or release that they keep on record until the other party inquires. There are a handful of states that will release an original birth certificate. Others may provide identifying information if there are pressing health concerns. Find out if your state has a confidential intermediary. This is a person who, upon request, will use confidential records to contact the searched party and ask if they will consent to a disclosure of their identifying information. Every state varies. Work with your state to discover the resources and tools that are available to you. Don’t be afraid to ask questions.

18. Preparing for the Search How to Search: Online Registries Adoption Registries are a central place for both adoptees and birth family members who are engaged in a search. They are simply a connection engine for those searching. When you are registered, these systems allow you to search digitally for other registered members with defined search criteria. Many of these online directories are free, including the Adoption.com Reunion Registry and the International Soundex Reunion Registry. Because of the efficiency and popularity of online registries and social network sites, they are a great places to list your information. These methods work best if you have identifying information about the person you are searching for. To create your profile or search, visit our registry.Adoption.com Reunion Registryour registry

19. Preparing for the Search How To Search: Reach Out Many have had success sharing their search on social media, asking others to share a post about their hope to reunite. This is a great way to reach a wide audience, but not everyone is comfortable being so vulnerable or public with their personal story/information. One might also take out a “searching for” ad in the town of their birth/adoption.

20. Preparing for the Search How To Search: Consider DNA Testing Ancestry.com, Family Tree DNA, and 23 and me.com do a DNA test that will match you with any person registered who is closely related to you. This can provide you with many helpful clues that can lead to reunification.

21. Preparing for the Search How to Search: Keep Good Records As you go through your journey, make sure to keep good records. Keeping a journal or file with photocopies of all documents and notes will be helpful. Keep a record of dates and people you have contacted. Notes and documents will be valuable as you make initial contact and meet with your birth family.

22. Preparing for the Search How to Search: Get Free Expert Assistance Contact a search angel. These are people who will help you search for free, “at cost,” or for a suggested donation.search angel

23. Preparing for the Search How To Search: Hire an Adoption Detective Consider hiring a professional Adoption Detective. Why? An adoption detective has:Adoption Detective - access to databases not available to the public. - experience conducting adoption searches. - knowledge of and access to effective search avenues and tools. - familiarity with the evolution of adoption law and adoption practices over the years.

24. Preparing for the Reunion Reunion So what do you do when you think you have found your family? Once you’ve found your birth family member(s), you’ll need to begin preparing for reunification. Approaching the unknown can be nerve- wracking, but no matter what happens, know that you’ll be okay. You may very well have a joyful reunion with your newly found family members. A survey of birth parents and adoptees revealed that the majority of people want to be found. There are times, however, when the family member you’ve been searching for is less receptive to the reunion. This is particularly the case when the searched-for person’s adoption experience was secretive and they have not had the opportunity to process their experience or prepare for reunification.

25. Preparing for the Reunion Reunion Be assured that these situations are far less common than reunions in which the contact is welcomed. Either way, my experience has found that most searchers are generally glad they did what they could and are grateful to have the closure of “knowing.”

26. Preparing for the Reunion Reunion: First Contact The best method of approach is very personal. Some have mailed a letter so as to lessen the shock and give the receiver time to process before responding. One thing to consider, though, is the possibility of someone else fielding the letter and the privacy of the searched person being compromised. Many choose to call, but consider again, the person’s household may not know about the adoption, so be discrete if someone else answers. If you are able to get an email address, that may resolve both concerns.

27. Preparing for the Reunion Reunion: First Contact Here’s one suggestion for how you might approach first contact: "Hi, My name is (......) I'm sorry to bother you, I have kind of an unusual question, do you have a minute? I was adopted in (location) in (month & year) through (agency) and I'm interested in connecting with my birth family. My search has lead me to you as a person who may potentially have information regarding my adoption. Are you able to help me?" Practice the initial contact with a friend and discuss possible questions or things to say. This may be difficult, but remember you have support.

28. Preparing for the Reunion Reunion: Emotional Preparation Do not expect the reunification to heal you or make you whole. This will only transfer your burden to the other party and will likely drive them away. Try instead to work through any unresolved issues before beginning the relationship so that you will be in a position to be what they need and not just have your needs met.

29. Preparing for the Reunion Reunion: Emotional Preparation Let go of expectations, and be prepared to accept any outcome. It is less common to find the other party unwilling, deceased, or difficult to deal with, but in these instances, many searchers relate they would rather know than wonder. Having expectations that are too specific can set us up for disappointment. Being prepared to embrace whatever you find enables you to see the good in what is. The child I placed hasn’t had the life I had hoped for, but he has been loved and I am so glad to have found him and his family!

30. Preparing for the Reunion Reunion: First Meeting The first meeting will be filled with lots of anticipation and emotion. You should choose a location that is neutral for both parties. Keep in mind that all relationships develop over long periods of time and not all questions have to be answered in the first day. Being able to walk away for a time and reassess can be invaluable.

31. Preparing for the Reunion Reunion: First Meeting The decision to take an adoption reunion journey is a big step! It is a search that can be full of bumps and hurdles, but can also be an exciting pilgrimage to self discovery. Your search may last just a few days or weeks, while others search for years without success. There is no way to predict how long your search will be, but careful planning and preparation can help you navigate your way through the search.

32. Preparing for the Reunion Reunion: Developing a Relationship Give the relationship time to develop. The emotions and years leading up to reunion can be intense, but many regret having come on too strong, too quickly. Be prepared to set clear boundaries and expectations as you move forward with the relationship. Often the other party feels pressure to live up to an expectation that might be outside of their culture or personality. Be patient and open to honest, two-way communication. Most of all, remember to laugh, cry, love, forgive, and learn every step of the way.

33. Preparing for the Reunion Reunion: Considering Others Who Are Involved Remember that there are other parties who will be affected by your reunification (adoptive family, spouse and/or children of a birth parent). Be sensitive to and considerate of them and their relationship with your birth relative. It may be a good idea to include them and build relationships with them as well. Never try to replace anyone in your birth relative’s life. There is enough room in our hearts for an expanded family.

34. Preparing for the Reunion Reunion: Learn From the Experiences of Others Download this free ebook, Reunited: Nineteen Stories of Search & Reunion, to read about others’ experiences with reunificationReunited: Nineteen Stories of Search & Reunion http://adoption.com/reunion-ebook-download/

35. Preparing for the Reunion Conclusion Searching for your birth relative can be daunting, uncertain, and time consuming—but it can be so worth it. You may be able to find answers to your questions, resolve your mysteries, fill in the gaps, have peace of mind, and create a lifelong connection.

36. Accessing Information Adoption Reunion Registry The Louisiana Adoption Voluntary Registry is a registry established by the Department of Children & Family Services to facilitate voluntary contact between adult adoptees, their birth parents and/or siblings. On the next slide are Frequently Asked Questions and forms for completion of the Adoption Reunion Registry.forms

37. Accessing Information (cont.) Adoption Reunion Registry Who May Register? The following people are eligible to use the Voluntary Registry: an adopted person who is at least 18 years of age, a biological parent, a biological sibling who is at least 18 years of age, a parent or sibling or descendant (or his parent if a minor) of a deceased biological parent, an adoptive parent of a minor adopted child, an adoptive parent or descendant of a deceased adopted person (or his parent if a minor)

38. Accessing Information (cont.) Adoption Reunion Registry What Happens If There Is A Match? If there is a match after registration, both parties will be required to complete one hour of counseling. Upon receipt of the completed counseling forms from both parties, the Registry will submit a written letter to the counselor of the adopted person (or the party representing him if he is a minor or is deceased) providing the details of the match. This counselor shall then contact the matched registered parties in a careful and confidential manner to give them the information to contact each other. Counseling Form (see http://www.dcfs.state.la.us/index.cfm?md=pagebuilder&tmp=ho me&pid=116)Counseling Form

39. Accessing Information (cont.) Adoption Reunion Registry Will DCFS Help Me Search? No. The Louisiana Adoption Voluntary Registry is a "passive" match registry and does not search. All contacts through the Registry are by voluntary mutual consent.

40. Accessing Information (cont.) Adoption Reunion Registry If I'm Registered, Will DCFS Tell Me If the Person I'm Seeking Contact With Is Deceased? In any case where one or both of the birth parents are deceased, or where the adopted person is deceased and this fact is known by the Voluntary Registry, this information shall be disclosed to any person who has registered. For more information, call toll-free 1-888-LAHELP-U (1888- 524-3578)

41. Accessing Information (cont.) Adoption Reunion Registry How Do I Get On The Registry? To register, print and complete the forms below. Form 447 A - Affidivat of an Adopted PersonForm 447 A Form 447 B - Affidavit of Biological MotherForm 447 B Form 447 C - Affidavit of Biological FatherForm 447 C Form 447 D - Affidavit of Biological Sibling of an Adopted PersonForm 447 D Form 447 E - Affidavit of a Parent of a Deceased Biological ParentForm 447 E Form 447 F - Affidavit of a Descendent of Any Degree of a Deceased Biological ParentForm 447 F Form 447 G - Affidavit of a Sibling of a Deceased Biological ParentForm 447 G Form 447 H - Decendent of a Deceased Adopted PersonForm 447 H Form 447 I - Adoptive Parent of a Minor or Deceased Adopted PersonForm 447 I Request for Adoption Verification Form Send completed paperwork to: The Louisiana Adoption Voluntary Registry P.O. Box 3318 Baton Rouge, Louisiana 70821Request for Adoption Verification Form

42. Accessing Information (cont.) Adoption Reunion Registry To request a registration packet be mailed to you, call 1- 888-LAHELP-U (888-524-3578), choose your language and then select options 6-4-2 or complete the Online Voluntary Registry Form.Online Voluntary Registry Form The packet will include all necessary forms and instructions. Registration will occur upon receipt of completed registration packet information and the one time $25.00 registration fee. Registration remains in effect indefinitely, unless withdrawn by registrant's written request.

43. Searching Request your non-identifying information from the agency that handled your adoption. Register with the International Soundex Reunion Registry at 888-886-ISSR or online at www.isrr.net.www.isrr.net Go to the Louisiana DCFS website. http://www.dcfs.state.la.us/index.cfm?md=pagebuilder&tmp=home&pid=116 http://www.dcfs.state.la.us/index.cfm?md=pagebuilder&tmp=home&pid=116 If you are an adopted person, you can see if a copy of your original birth certificate is available. You can register with the Louisiana Adoption Registry www.odh.ohio.gov/vitalstatistics/legalinfo/adoptreg.aspx.

44. Search Resources Adoptee Liberty Movement Association (ALMA) - ALMA is the oldest and most successful adoption reunion registry. www.almasociety.org/ The National Adoption Registry -founded in 1991 for the exclusive purpose of providing a simple, affordable forum for reuniting adoptees and birthparents. www.nationaladoptionregistry.com/ Adopting.org - website to search for lost loved one. http://www.adopting.org/search.html http://www.adopting.org/search.html

45. Resources (cont.) Adopt INFO – a website that has a comprehensive handbook that shows you how to search for birth parent(s). www.cyfc.umn.edu/adoptinfo/howtosearch.html Adoption Registry- site claims to be the largest website dealing with reunions. www.adoptionregistry.com/ww.adoptionregistry.com/ Adoptee Search Center - registry that appears to be free, the ability to search, tips for searching and search services. www.adopteesearchcenter.org New York Adoption 1969 – for adoptees born on 1969 to put there information on a website in hopes of finding their birth parents. www.home.nccoast.net/nyadoption/1969a.htm New York Adoption 1965 - for adoptees born in 1965, allows the adoptees to put their information on the site in hopes of finding their birth parents. www.nccoast.net/nyadoption/1965a.htm www.nccoast.net/nyadoption/1965a.htm (msass.case.edu/faculty/vgroza/students/fall2000/005.htm )

46. Support Groups (cont.) On-line Support Groups: Monthly support group for all adoptees and formerly fostered individuals over age 18. The new online group is facilitated by experienced adult adoptees. Registered participants attend monthly sessions as well as post to the discussion forums at any time. The site is fully secure and names known only to group administrators. Contact: Amy Fjellman at afjellman@mnadopt.org for details on registration and an expected launch date.afjellman@mnadopt.org The Barker Foundation Contact: Abbe Levine 301-664-9664 Email: alevine@barkerfoundation.orgalevine@barkerfoundation.org All-Adoptee: Yahoo Groups Contact: 317-849-5651 Email: All-adoptee@yahoogroups.comAll-adoptee@yahoogroups.com

47. Support Groups (con’t) On-Line Groups: Adoptees Birthrights Committee (ABC) Website: www.adopteesbirthrightscommittee.comwww.adopteesbirthrightscommittee.com Adoption Knowledge Affiliates Where: Austin, TX Email: aka@adoptionknowledge.orgaka@adoptionknowledge.org American Adoption Congress (AAC) - provide education for our members and We advocate legislation that will grant every individual access to information about his or her family and heritage. www.americanadoptioncongress.org (www.aha.mn/resources/adoptee-support-groups/)

48. Clinical Implications  Adoption is a process, not an event, and adoption-related issues may come up for adopted people around particular life events, no matter how the adoption occurred. (birthdays, giving birth, holidays (Mother's Day or Father's Day), age- or school-related life events, and developmental milestones or stages (graduations, identity formation of adolescence, etc.).  There are predictable and normal issues/emotions that most adopted people will experience and may benefit from professional services from adoption-competent providers/services.  Services that would be beneficial include: -Outpatient mental health services/counseling (to deal with issues of grief and loss, attachment issues, difficulty trusting others, etc.) -Education/Information -Mentoring (linking adult adoptees with other adult adoptees) -Formal and informal supports -Assistance with search and reunion (childwelfare.gov/adoption)childwelfare.gov/adoption (childwelfare.gov/adoption)childwelfare.gov/adoption

49. Education/Recommended Reading Second Choice: Growing Up Adopted Robert Anderson Adoption Reunion Survival Guide: Preparing Yourself for the Search, Reunion, and Beyond Julie Bailey and Lynn Giddens Late Discoveries: An Adoptee's Quest for Truth Susan Bennett Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self David M.Brodzinsky, Marshall D. Schlechter, Robin Marantz Henig. Outer Search/Inner Journey: An Orphan and Adoptee's Quest Peter F. Dodds. Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew Sherrie Eldridge The Search: A Memoir of an Adopted Woman Titia Ellis

50. “No one yet has put into words the complexity of being adopted.” -B.J. Lifton

51. References  msass.case.edu/faculty/vgroza/students/fall2000/005.htm  www.adoptionnetwork.org www.adoptionnetwork.org  www.adoption.com www.adoption.com  www.library.adoption.comlibrary.adoption.com  www.summitkids.org  adoptamericanetwork.org adoptamericanetwork.org  www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/search/searching.cfm www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/search/searching.cfm  www.aha.mn/resources/adoptee-support-groups/