1. Parenting With a Purpose TENDING TO THE HEART OF YOUR CHILD Bradley Olson, Psy.D.,M.Div BradleyOlson.net The Arlington Center/ArlingtonCtr.com

3. I. Who Is Your Child? Is Your Child a Person- or Your Product? A Person:  Has a personality  Has unique gifts/abilities  Is influenced by events  Is built for growth  Is built for relationships  Can choose for self A Product:  Has my personality  Has my interests  Is controlled by me  Expected to remain the same  Is built for performance  Has no choice BradleyOlson.net

4. The Bible Says… 1 John 3:1 (NIV) See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! I am a Child of God

5. The Bible Says… Genesis 1:27 (NIV) 27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Created in His Image

6. The Bible Says… Psalm 139:13-17 (NIV) 13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. 17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! I am fearfully and wonderfully made

7. The Bible Says… Ephesians 2:10 (NIV) 10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Created by God- For a Purpose

8. ” “ If my identity is determined by my child’s performance- then I may be seeing my child as a product not a person C ONSIDER THIS …

9. II. Interacting with Your Child Do You Nurture a Relationship or Simply Enforce the Rules? Relationships:  Are personalized  Takes time Rules:  Are standardized BradleyOlson.net

10. Time = Love

11. Relationships:  Are personalized  Takes time  Is safe Rules:  Are standardized  Are expedient BradleyOlson.net II. Interacting with Your Child Do You Nurture a Relationship or Simply Enforce the Rules?

12. Making Relationships Safe Empathy Understanding Consistency Time Honesty Listening Valued Genuine Boundaries

13. Relationships:  Are personalized  Takes time  Is safe  Promote compliance Rules:  Are standardized  Are expedient  Are rooted in fear  Feed rebellion BradleyOlson.net II. Interacting with Your Child Do You Nurture a Relationship or Simply Enforce the Rules?

14. The Bible Says… Psalm 103:13 (NIV) 13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the L ORD has compassion on those who fear him; Have Compassion

15. The Bible Says… Colossians 3:13 (NIV) 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Forgive

16. The Bible Says… 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV) 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love

17. ” “ Rules without Relationship Results in Rebellion C ONSIDER THIS …

18. III. Leading Your Child Are You More Interested in Giving Directions or Mentoring With Love? A Loving Mentor:  Is a role model  Listens to understand  Walks alongside  Talks with you  Embraces grace & encouragement  Wants your growth A Director:  Is an instructor  Talks to be understood  Sits upon high  Talks at you  Embraces right answers & a “grade”  Wants obedience BradleyOlson.net

19. The Bible Says… Ephesians 6:4 (NIV) 4 Fathers, do not exasperate (provoke to anger) your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Colossians 3:21 (NIV) 21 Fathers, do not embitter (anger) your children, or they will become discouraged. Teach in Love- Direct Towards Christ

20. The Bible Says… Isaiah 38:19 (NIV) 19 The living, the living—they praise you, as I am doing today; parents tell their children about your faithfulness. Psalm 78:4 (NIV) 4 We will not hide them from their descendants; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the L ORD, his power, and the wonders he has done. Teach Children About God

21. The Bible Says… 2 Timothy 3:15 (NIV) … and how from infancy you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. Parents Have the Responsibility to Teach Scripture

22. Is it more important to be right or be in relationship? Ask Yourself this…

23. IV. Control Who is in Control? God is in Control …. Not You  You are entrusted with your child  Everything belongs to God  God has control – you have influence  Your job is to raise a child of God BradleyOlson.net

24. The Bible Says… Psalm 127:3-5 (NIV) 3 Children are a heritage from the L ORD, offspring a reward from him. 4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. 5 Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. Children are a Gift from God

25. The Bible Says… Matthew 6:34 (NIV) 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Give Our Worries to God

26. The Bible Says… Genesis 18:19 (NIV) 19 For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the L ORD by doing what is right and just, so that the L ORD will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him.” Point Towards God

27. Your Child is a Person in a Relationship With You, Who Longs for a Loving Mentor