1. Deborah Gilboa, MD www.AskDrG.com HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT From adults, friends, yourself @AskDocG @AskDoctorG

2. If you could wave a magic wand... What do you want for your future?

3. hap · pi · ness: noun good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy INGREDIENTS: 1.Confidence 2.Competence 3.Relationships

4. 4 HOW? AcademicsFriendships Family Independence Other

5. WHY DO PARENTS SAY NO?

6. CULTURE OF “SUCCESSFUL” FAMILIES The Myth: “Getting involved will make us both feel better!” The Truth: Stepping back helps teens become adults.

7. TEEN BRAIN

8. BRAIN CONFLICT

9. YOUNG ADULT BRAIN 1.Negative emotions are intense 2.Positive emotions are just as intense 3.Adrenaline is harder to find 4.Considering consequences requires intention 5.Oxytocin receptors double 6.Abstract reasoning sky rockets 7.… needs sleep.

10. REMEMBER HER?

11. 11 AND WHY DO YOU STEP BACK? Fear.

12. FAILURE…

13. & DRAMA

14. 14 SO WHY TRY? Proves independence Leads to competence Builds relationship Teaches resilience.

15. STATS Sallie Mae study of undergrads: average credit card balance is $3,173 US Census Bureau: 2010 adults age 25-34 living at home ↑26% to 5.9mil >2/3 parents give their adult children $$$ support (doubled in 20 yrs)

16. SOURCE: Journal of Child and Family Studies, Feb 2013

17. “Students who reported having over- controlling parents reported significantly higher levels of depression and less satisfaction with life. Furthermore, the negative effects of helicopter parenting on college students’ well-being were largely explained by the perceived violation of students’ basic psychological needs for autonomy and competence.” THE COST

18. FAILURE HAPPENS. THEN WHAT? How you feel matters. What you do matters more.

19. SO HOW DO YOU STOP THE DRAMA? The opposite of drama is RESILIENCE

20. The ability to RECOVER from ADVERSITY! What do we know? –Bad things happen. –There are always choices to be made. –Feelings change over time. –Recovery requires tools and experience. What do you need? PRACTICE. WHAT IS RESILENCE?

21. WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?

22. RESILIENCE 1. Ride your emotions – ONCE 2. Find possibilities. 3. Reach out for resources. 4. Consider which risk to take. 5. Notice the consequences

23. STEP UP, SO ADULTS CAN STEP BACK Competence Time management Resource finding Life skills Relationships Family Teachers, coaches, bosses Friends, love Problem-solving

24. SUCCESS NOW IS NOT THE POINT You’re building: Confidence Competence Relationships

25. Private page YJ: www.AskDoctorG.com/join @AskDocG @AskDoctorG youtube.com/AskDocG