1. Parenting & Familyliving water
Building Godly Homes * Pastor Brett Peterson

2. What does the Bible say about PARENTING?
How are doing as a parent?
What would your children say?
What would your neighbors say?
What does God say?
It’s all about the children
It’s building a home
It’s parenting by example
It’s demonstrating God’s love

3. PARENTING ADVICE 0 kids Professional Expert 1 child Consultant
2 kids Knowledgeable Resource
3+ kids No idea!

4. Let's examine the owners manual on life – god's word!

5. Genesis 4:1 Adam lay with his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. She said, “With the help of the LORD I have brought forth a man.”

6. Psalm 127:3 Sons are a heritage (NASB “gift”) from the LORD, children a reward from him.

7. Psalm 127:4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth.

8. Psalm 127:5 Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them
Psalm 127:5 Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

9. Children are gifts from God!

10. Oh…

11. But these cute babies can be difficult!
No sleep
There is nothing more precious in life than life!
Parents are given the awesome task of raising up their children!
Besides God, family is the most important thing we have on earth!
Do you really believe that?
Poopy diapers
Crying
Stress

12. Family time…?
In his book If I Were Starting My Family Again, John Drescher wrote about a study of 300 seventh and eighth-grade boys who kept detailed records of how much time their fathers spent with them over a two-week period. Most saw their father only at the dinner table. A number didn't see their fathers for days at a time. The average time father and son were alone together was seven and one-half minutes a week.
Surveys suggest that most families rate time together as their number one priority. Those same surveys show that fathers spend only a few minutes a day with their children.

13. Let’s get our Priorities right!
(1Ti 5:8) But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Materially
Physically
Mentally
Spiritually

14. Let’s look at some more verses….
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. (Proverbs 22:6) Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. (Colossians 3:21) Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)
Pleasant words promote instruction. (Proverbs 16:21)
A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction. (Proverbs 16:23)
To show partiality in judging is not good. (Proverbs 24:23)
He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge. (Proverbs 14:26)

15. Discipline your son, and he will give you peace, he will bring delight to your soul. (Proverbs 29:17) Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death. (Proverbs 23:13- 14)
He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge. (Proverbs 14:26)
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him. (Proverbs 22:15)
He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him. (Proverbs 13:24)

16. Discipline gives your children roots…
Discipline must be consistent. It must not be done in anger. It must always be explained to your child. It is about your love for them!
Displine helps children see their home as a sanctuary from the world and a place of safety and consistency!

17. Proverbs 29:17 Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.

18. Developmental Stages
Discipline is more effective when you understand the developmental stage of the child.
Your message may be accurate, but if you can’t put it into a format the child can understand: it doesn’t work.
Discipline a 4 yr old the same as a 14 yr old?

19. Ages 2-6 Preoperational Stage Sees only one aspect at a time
Thinking is rigid
Black/White
Each stage is a bridge that builds to the next:

20. Age 6-11 Concrete Stage Begins to understand relationships
Able to use logical thought only when solving problems involving concrete objects and events.

21. Age 11+ Abstract Stage Cause and Effect Legal/Illegal
What will happen if...?
Their success in this stage- will make a huge difference if “dialogue” was part of the first two.
When a parent comes to me with their jr/hi kids and says- “how do I get them to mind? And the kid is 13- I just encourage them to meet with their insurance agent and try and get more coverage – it isn’t going to be pretty!”, and they have done very little in the first 2 stages- look out!

22. “To train up a child in the way he should go” Prov. 22:6
Discipline thru Dialogue = Learning
Punishment = Control
What I hear: “we’ve tried time-out, taken away everything, grounded until Medicare, spanked ourselves sore - with little success”.
“To train up a child in the way he should go” Prov. 22:6
Prov. 22:6 To train up a child:
Many parents that I have worked with over the years- most can try things- but have no foundation for success.
They are just reacting: never thinking: I want my 5 yr old to mind me b/c when he is 15, we need to be on the same page.

23. Defining Punishment Dictionary: “to inflict a form of suffering,
to treat harshly”
At times, that may be appropriate.
For this presentation, it will be define as a: “over-controlling, heavy-handed, authoritarian (domineering)” approach
What about spanking? I was spanked all the time- it worked on me! Punishment=spanking.
Spanking- in a secure, loving home, without anger and with dialogue has a place. We will talk more about that later, but I don’t want you to walk away thinking- ‘that guy told us to never punish our kids’. But think of a “spectrum- or continuum” – goes from easy to severe. Punishment need to be on the severe side!
Let’s make things a little more interesting! Add our parent style

24. You need to give them wings…
Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. (Psalm 127:3)

25. children who don’t tend to take too much blame.”
“Parents who have children that ‘turn out well’ tend to take too much credit and parents who have
children who don’t tend to take too much blame.”

26. So if you want to measure your success as a parent – don’t look at your kids – look in your mirror!
WHY?

27. Because its not the conduct of your children that is the ultimate measure of your success as a parent – it is your own character!

28. If you demonstrate Godly Character to your children They will give you honor!
Ex. 20:12 “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”
Eph. 6:1-2 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;).”

29. Society’s Change and Impact
CHARACTERISTICS: NORM NORM
Family Interaction High Low
Value Systems Similar Mixed
Role Models Constant Dissonant
Education Less More
Technology Low High
Awareness- parents have to add to what society’s changes have diminished

30. Society’s Change and Impact
CHARACTERISTICS: NORM NORM
Family work Much Little
Family size Large Small
Family dominant Extended Nuclear
Single/Blended Families 10% %
Class size (K-12)
Neighborhood schools Dominant Rare

31. Society Has Changed. Do We?
2 generations ago: adolescence was not nearly a troublesome period
Word “teenager” was rarely used.
Children needed for economic survival: they were given so much responsibility that by age 12, most had the same judgment skills as most adults.
In the world? Not of it?

32. Society Has Changed Cont’d
Free from endless entertainment and overindulgence and were not as influenced by their peers.
They had to deal with same new feelings and puberty- but did so in a more stable environment.

33. Pitfalls vs Positives
Thinking that my kid’s needs are more important than my spouses.
Falling into the “busy is better” demands of society for my kids.
Keeping my priorities in order and making time for my spouse.
Balancing appropriate activities for my kids and the “sanctity” of the home.
Heard story of: “my parents never left us with anyone until we were all in high school”- wow- what great sacrifice. Wow- what a lost opportunity. Date night: once a month (at minimum). Gpa/Gma: can help out. If can’t afford sitter: work some trade time out with some friend.

34. Pitfalls vs Positives
Thinking that “Quality” time is more important to your kids.
Thinking that your kids don’t listen to your conversations.
Kids love “Quality” time, but thrive with your “Quantity” time.
Taking a special interest in what “little ears” are nearby.
Kids tell me all the time: mom/dad are too busy for me. My broken record.
Kids are listening to what you say- I’ll ask kids: “how did you find that out”- they’ll smile- oh, I was listening to mom on the phone.

35. Pitfalls vs Positives
You will often “ACT” like the parent you want to be.
Making a “HAT” decision: one that is made while you are hunger, angry, tired.
But will usually “REACT” in the way you were parented.
Realizing that we are much better parents when we are taking care of our spiritual, physical, and emotional needs.
Your REACT may be just fine:
HAT: if you are thinking that your “spouse” always seems to be hat- then talk to ted

36. Pitfalls vs Positives
Avoiding the extremes and using “dialogue” to find a healthy balance. Keep a record.
Avoid “over- indulgence” for your kids; it only erodes your “purpose” and effectiveness.
Never telling kids “no”, or always telling them “no” and preventing them from growing and learning .
Thinking that being a good parent involves making sure my kids have the best of everything.
Say No- don’ t want them upset or they really wanted to do it!
I’ve had Leah stomp out, go to her room for hours- totally mad. But we didn’t want her to go to that event. Keep a record- helps with the “you never let me go anywhere”.
Greatest struggle that our kids of today’s society face: too much stuff, too many options and choices. They expect it all and none of it will satisfy. Hum, sound like something Solomon would write.

37. Pitfalls vs Positives
Not talking to kids about sex or teaching them about God’s design for their bodies. Thinking that if they don’t ask, then they don’t care. Waiting until they are teenagers for the birds/bees talk.
Utilizing the “teach them early and often” approach. Using developmentally appropriate materials as they grow. They want to know and will listen; if you wait- they will learn from someone else.
Most sex abuse situations: when ask the parents what kind of “education” they have done. Say- none.
Using a box series- had different books for different ages- brought it home, was trying it out on my kids- had a book for Tori’s age.

38. Pitfalls vs Positives (Adol. issues)
Thinking that your kids have rights and a right to privacy:
-never reading their s
-never checking through their room
-never calling the “other parents” to confirm plans
Kids have “opportunities”.
They need to know that you will be checking.
They may fight you- but deep down they desire (and counting on) your boundaries.
I’m sure this may appall some of you. Sorry.
Teenagers are like doing the “Tango”- someone has to lead.
Don’t give this stuff about “TRUST”- is your job to trust your kids? Or make sure they are safe. Leah often says- you don’t “trust” me- I say- “oh, I trust you, it is everyone around you that I don’t trust”

39. Pitfalls vs Positives (Adol. issues)
Thinking that my kid would never view inappropriate materials on the internet. (The garbage will come to them.)
Thinking I.M. (Instant Messanger) is just like chatting on the phone.
Think smart about technology. It is your job to promote safety.
Install a proven “filter”, (most kids can disable a basic “filter” in 5 clicks.) set time limits, keep the computer visible.
Went to a workshop on “internet” abductions. Given by a police chief from Naperville. He had a computer demonstration- scared me to death.
No I.M.: Every now and then- will give her some time- but we have made phone time concessions.
What kids will say on the keyboard- no way would you let them say that in person.

40. Parenting & Familyliving water

41. HOLY HOLY HOLY Lynn DeShazo & Paul Wilbur

42. Holy, holy, holy is the God of Israel
Holy, holy, holy is the God of Israel. Elders bow in worship as the angel voices swell Fragrant clouds of of incense swirl around Your throne of grace Lord, we bow in worship at the brilliance of Your face.

43. We cry holy, holy, holy is the Lord Holy, holy, holy is the Lord

44. Holy, holy, holy is the song that heaven sings
Holy, holy, holy is the song that heaven sings. All creation praise Him, Hallelujah, Elohim Come to reign forever, King of kings and Lord of lords Lift your head, O Zion, open wide, your ancient doors and cry…

45. Schedule this week Tonight – no study Monday – women's study Tuesday – men's study Wednesday – men's study Thursday – midweek & youth Friday – building loving relationships Saturday – ro'eh zion
RSM Water District Shabbat Shalom!
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