1. What’s Your Anger Style?

2. Positive Things about Anger

3. Motivates us to take action/defend ourselves
Anger is an energizer:
Motivates us to take action/defend ourselves
Provides stamina (stick with it!) when the task is difficult
Supplies energy for the struggle
Converting anger into energy allows us to take charge and to work toward what we want.
Can give a feeling of control.

4. Anger helps express tension and communicates negative feelings
Anger helps express tension and communicates negative feelings. If done in a productive way it helps resolve conflict in relationships.

5. Anger gives us information:
About people and situations
It's a signal that it's time to deal with a problem
It tells us when something is wrong, frustrating, threatening or annoying

6. Negative Things about Anger

7. Anger interferes with clear thinking!!
Often causes us to act on impulse
Anger sometimes is used to protect our pride, cover embarrassment or hurt.
It seems easier to be angry than be anxious
Anger used like this prevents us from seeing our feelings and facing ourselves

8. Anger can start or lead to aggression
Anger can give negative impressions to others
If much of anger is unjustified, it may be dangerous to your health

9. Modeling Watching another person, and copying what they do
We model after:
parents,
siblings,
people in the media,
people we admire
anyone with which we spend time.
The anger actions may be positive or negative

10. Take out the yellow sheet
As a Group:
Determine which style of learning the anger action is in place.
Use the key to indicate the correct answer

11. Take out the Modeling and Operant Learning Signs
Hold up the sign for what your group decided was the best answer

12. Take out the “Anger…It’s All About You”
Individually, complete the sheet.
You will use the J U S E D later in the lesson
Answer the questions at the bottom

13. Looking at section B…
What are some of the physical signs?

14. Looking at section C
What are some anger actions you have observed?

15. Justified Anger…
You must be able to answer "yes" to all of these questions:
Was it done intentionally?
Would most other people be angry in this same situation?
Does it do you any good to be angry?

16. If you can answer "yes" to all three of these questions, it is justified anger, and deserves your attention.
If you can't….then the anger is unjustified, and not worth the time and effort.

17. Take out the Blue sheet Have a person read the situations
Determine if the situations would cause justified or unjustified anger.

18. REMEMBER… You must be able to answer "yes" to all of these questions:
Was it done intentionally?
Would most other people be angry in this same situation?
Does it do you any good to be angry?

19. Take out the Justified and Unjustified signs
Hold up the sign for what your group decided was the best answer

20. Find your “Anger - It’s all about You” sheet.
Reading each situation, determine if it was justified or unjustified anger and circle the J or the U.

21. ANGER STYLES!!

22. DIRECT / ASSERTIVE A POSITIVE anger style
Directing and being Assertive is only appropriate if the anger is justified.
It is important to remember that you can't control what the other person thinks or does but you might help the situation.

23. People who direct anger and are assertive:
Feel more intimate and close in their relationships
Communicate better
Get their message across
Are more likely to be heard.
Generally feel they have made contract in a personal way.

24. Characteristics of a directing situation:
Voice level is not too loud.
Uses good eye contact
Avoids works like:
Always, Never, Ought to, Should, You
Uses "I" messages that center on feelings
Delivered at a time when the statement is likely to be heard
States the message in such a way that the other person is less likely to become defensive.

25. The things included in directing / assertive statements are:
What the person did that caused the anger.
The feelings
The impact (what it does to your life)
What you would like them to do or change.

26. Example:
"It worries me when I don't get a phone call and we aren't going to leave when expected. Could you let me know when you are running late?"

27. Stuffing - Passive Behavior
A negative anger style
Moves away from confronting the person or situation
Holds anger inside, trying not to show it
Denies that they are angry
Often says things that deny their feelings as important
Don't have to deal with the consequences of confrontation, reinforces the stuffing/passive behavior.

28. Common reasons for Stuffing - Passive Behavior
Fear of hurting the other person
Think it is inappropriate to be angry
Think they shouldn't be angry with that person
Fear of being rejected
Not able to cope with the emotional impact of interpersonal conflict.

29. Stuffing - Passive Behavior is negative because:
Stuffed anger does not get rid of the problem
Relationships suffer if one or both of the people are stuffers
Stuffing gets in the way of closeness and intimacy
Stuffed anger is expressed anyhow
It's disguised as sarcasm
Intentionally forgets to do something for the person at a later date.
Holding back love
Avoiding the person in the future

30. Stuffed anger can have harmful health effects:
Ulcers
Migraine headaches
Overeating
Under-eating
Depression

31. Examples "I love this person….I shouldn't be angry?"
"If I let them know I'm angry they will not love me anymore."
"Angry?…No. I'm OK…I'm not really angry."
"They really don't mean to hurt me.”

32. Escalating - Aggressive Behavior
A negative anger style
Escalators begin their sentences with the word "you" in an accusing way.
They blame other people for their anger
Use name calling
Escalators make the situations worse.

33. May rant and rave or use accusatory questions
Use "hard" words like: always, never, should, etc.
Tell other people what they should or shouldn't do.

34. Reasons for Escalating - Aggressive Behavior
To gain control of the other person
To get their way
To cover up low self esteem
For power

35. Negatives Escalating - Aggressive Behavior
Intense anger destroys relationships
May bring violence to relationships
May "get their way" in the short run, but usually the other person will get back at them somehow!
Intense anger makes a person prone to high stress

36. Examples: "Why did you do that?"
"I can't believe you did that…what were you thinking!??
"You make me sooooo mad!"
"You are such a loser."
"Only a stupid person like you would do something like that!"
"You never listen."
"You're always late."

37. “Styles of Anger Chart” Complete using the directions at the top.
Take out the
“Styles of Anger Chart”
Complete using the directions at the top.

38. Take out the 2 white sheets: Color It ! & the colored pencils
Following the directions, use the colored pencils and indicate the three anger styles:
Assertive/Directing
Passive/Stuffing
Aggressive/Escalating

39. Take out the Instruction Papers
Place in your notebook.

40. Not Passive Not Manipulating Not Aggressive
BEING ASSERTIVE…
Not Passive
Not Manipulating
Not Aggressive

41. Assertive - A Positive Communication Style
Asking for what you want directly
Giving people an honest “no” to things you don’t want
Not using people
Not letting yourself be used either
I’m OK & You’re OK
A Win Win situation

42. Aggressive - A NEGATIVE style
Taking what you want
Threatening or forcing
Saying “no” in a way that puts the other person down
Pushes people away or makes them afraid
May violate the other person’s rights
I’m OK - You’re a loser (I win - You Lose)

43. Passiveness - A negative style
Not speaking up when you’d like something
Giving in and saying “yes” when you don’t really want to
Does this to be liked or to not hurt the other person’s feelings
You’re OK - I’m Not OK (You win - I Lose)

44. Manipulation Can be used if the relationship isn’t important.
Getting what you want in a dishonest way
Doing something so they’ll give you what you want
“I’m tricky, you need to be fooled”
Often considered passive/aggressive

45. Find the 5 laminate strips
There is a situation cards (1-8) and four reaction cards
Distribute the cards to the group.
The person with the situation card reads it to the group.
Each reaction strip and decide which type is represented. AGGRESSIVE, PASSIVE, MANIPULATION & ASSERTIVE

46. AggressiveAssertive
One group at a time:
When indicated…each group will come up and stand beneath the sign for the communication type.
One person will read the situation, the group will read in order from worst to best…
AggressiveAssertive