1. Talking with Young People
What Parents can do

2. How talk with Young People
Seek a Positive Relationship
Encourage Trust
Use Non-Threatening Questions
Manage Sensitivities
Be Genuine

3. Kids Helpline’s Core Practice Values
CHILD CENTERED AND EMPOWERMENT
Benefits for Children and Young People:
increases confidence
increases self-esteem
increases resilience
decreases anxiety

4. Listen Rather Than Talk
How talk with Young People
Listen Rather Than Talk
Confirm that you’re hearing the child. Use minimal encouragers of “Mmm, go on or OK” can confirm to the child that you are listening
Listen without jumping in
Beware of dismissive responses; “it can’t be that bad” or “don’t worry, it’ll be fine”

5. Help Young People Find Their Own Solutions
How talk with Young People
Help Young People Find Their Own Solutions
Listen not only to the problem, but how the young person wants to be supported.
Support the young person to problem solve their issue rather than rushing in to rescue them or solve their problem for them.
Avoid giving advice directly.

6. Engaging with Children and Young People
Taking the young person’s experience seriously
Choosing language carefully
Being aware of voice tone, pace, and pressure of speech
Using silence appropriately
Being non-judgemental
Avoiding being disproportionately positive, enthusiastic or negative
Using empathy – being there with the person “putting yourself into their shoes”
Being culturally sensitive
Acknowledging the young person’s strengths

7. Managing Emotions from Adolescents
Notice when the young person is upset
Ask what is wrong and listen
Summarise what you have heard
Ask them what they want to do
Ask how you can help
Prompt problem solving
If upset continues, suggest “cooling off”
Stay calm yourself
Don’t buy into verbal abuse
Make a time to talk later

8. How talk with Young People
Provide Space and Time
When young people begin to communicate they may use silence to gather their thoughts
For kids there will generally be a time and place to communicate their feelings
Have realistic expectations
Match their language, tone and pace to help them feel comfortable to share their thoughts

9. Information Gathering
Reflective Listening
Listen well to what the young person is saying and how they say it
Use paraphrasing to follow the story and encourage more telling
Reflect feelings and experience to show appreciation of what is being conveyed
Perhaps mirror the feelings, use smiles, frowns, look of concern etc (though at times the listener may want to remain neutral)
Questioning Style
Kids hate interrogation
Use open questions – “Tell me more about that…” (often start with “how” or “what”)
Use clarifying questions to check details, meaning, context, purpose etc
Importance of Context
The broader circumstances, others involved, organisational or social influences
How does this influence the way they see things or tell their story

10. What qualities are we likely to find in a young person who is resilient?
Confidence
Competence
Independence / self reliance
Flexible
Coping skills, including problem solving skills
Persistence and determination, especially in the face of challenge
All contribute to the ‘bounce back’ factor 10

11. Strategies for Promoting Optimism
Be aware of and role model an “explanatory style” and self talk that is positive and realistic
Help children to re-frame their negative self talk and catch unhelpful thoughts
Encourage ‘self-assessment’ in children and be curious about their successes and failures
Celebrate efforts as well as successes and give approval for trying new things
Use everyday situations , stories, videos to inspire and most importantly tell your own stories from your own circle of friends and family.
Persisting with a task requires the ability to dampen or inhibit negative emotions – otherwise attention focuses on frustration and persistence ends… we need to encourage children to persist through making mistakes and to learn that making mistakes is an OK thing to do –it’s the capacity to tolerate not knowing how to do something straight away, but having the belief that practice and persistence will lead to success. 11

12. Three benefits for people who are more optimistic than pessimistic in their approach to life?
Fights depression – children still get sad but much less likely to have a major depressive episode
Higher levels of achievement across a range of sporting, academic, vocational and emotional ventures
Better health – in children and adults (clear links between the way we feel and our physiology - immune systems - stats)
Optimism helps us to carry an attitude that looks at problems as challenges and allows us to face them with an expectation of success, drawing on previous experiences of success and remembering the lessons of past mistakes. 12

13. Challenging Negative Self-Talk
Challenge views that promote blame, non-accountability
Offer alternative explanations
Could it be that……….
Search for resources
How have you managed to keep going?
Search for exceptions
Tell me about a time when things were a little different
When are some times when the problem doesn’t happen

14. Building Positive Self-Talk
Assist the child to acknowledge their own achievements
Explain how thinking different ways affects how you feel
Prompt you child to talk about what others might think or feel
Point out helpful and unhelpful thinking
Model using positive self-talk to cope with stress

15. Strategies Parents can use to Build Self Esteem
A sense that they are noticed, heard and worthy just because of who they are.
Spend time with your children, regularly
Know about their interests and support these wherever possible
Use incidental teaching moments to remind them of their strengths and specialness to you*
Model and teach your children pro-social values (care, compassion etc) and social skills such as friendship and group skills*
Model and teach interpersonal skills, eg. conflict resolution skills, help-seeking skills and the skills involved in reading and responding empathically to others’ emotions*
Model respectful behaviour towards your children and others and expect it back 15

16. Strategies Parents can use to Build Self Control
Helping children to move through their world with a sense of being able to manage things for themselves.
Allow your toddlers to try lots of new things and to say “no” within reasonable limits
Provide and enforce realistic boundaries and limits – it is an essential part of the emotional scaffolding children need from parents
Teach your children to recognise and manage their own emotions and model these yourself*
Teach your children and adolescents strategies that enable adaptive distancing from distressing and unalterable situations 16

17. Helping Young People Find Support
Discuss how everyone needs to talk
Ask about times when they have got support from others
Brainstorm with them to find someone whom they can talk to:
Another family member
Teacher
Youth worker
Someone in their community
School counsellor or mental health service
Family services worker
Kids Help Line

18. Strategies Parents can use to Build Self Control cont’d
Enhancing their ability to manage their feelings, behaviour, and thinking processes.
Continued
Help the child to learn to do things for themselves and as they grow older pass over more responsibility for doing things and for decision making
Give them practice at making choices from an early age
Allow them lots of time to do what they’re good at as well as encouraging them to try more challenging tasks – listen when they tell you they feel unsafe
Convey, wherever and whenever possible, your expectation that they are capable 18

19. Overview Allow the young person to tell story without judging
Seek a positive relationship
Reassure where appropriate
Don’t jump in with an instant solution
Seek advice or referral if appropriate