1. Journey Class – May 2011 – 9:15am
Week 1: Balance- What is the state of your marriage? Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
Week 2: Aerobics- Doing the hard work of fighting… and staying married
Week 3: Strength- Increasing the bond and connection with each other- Keys to making a marriage last
Week 4: Stretching- Growing (up) together- God in the middle of me- God in the middle of my marriage
Week 5: Review- Talking about it – again- and talking again… and, then some

2. Why Do People Get Married?
Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
Why Do People Get Married?
No.10 Marriage Makes You Live Longer
No.9  Marriage Increases Your Earning Power
No.8  Marriage Gives You A Platform To Build Your Bloodline
No.7  Marriage Prevents You From Dying Alone
No.6  Marriage Makes You More Attractive
No.5  Marriage Brings Financial Benefits
No.4  Marriage Means More Sex
No.3  Marriage Means Better Sex
No.2  Married People Are Happier
No.1  Marriage Makes You A Better Man (“AskMen” Magazine)
No.10 Marriage Makes You Live Longer
One of the ways that getting married improves your life is by making it last longer. Various studies have indicated that happily married men tend to outlast their single counterparts. For example, a 2006 study performed by University of California researchers contended that single people are five times more likely to die of infectious disease, nearly 40% more likely to die of heart disease and twice as likely to die accidentally. Other studies suggest that the rate of mortality is a whopping 250% higher among single men than it is among married men.
No.9 Marriage Increases Your Earning Power
You know that big-screen TV you've been saving for? Well, if you were married, you'd probably own it by now. Being married means sharing expenses and splitting the costs of major purchases. You cynics out there gripe about the money women cost you, but the money you'd spend on dinner dates and the occasional gift is dwarfed by the prospect of having an extra income in the household. Marriage means you can afford the things you could never afford on your own; it means a better home, a better car, a better vacation, and cooler stuff.
No.8 Marriage Gives You A Platform To Build Your Bloodline On
OK, so technically you don't need to be married to have a family, but marriage is still the standard method for starting a family. The nuclear family, despite its flaws, remains a sought-after model. That's why having kids is another argument  in our top 10 reasons to get married. Being a father is a dimension of manhood that just about every guy wants to experience -- and marriage is the most stable and secure environment in which to start a family.
No.4 Marriage Means More Sex
Married men have more sex than single men do. It's a fact -- supported by study after study. A study done by the Kinsey Institute, for example, suggests that 23% of non-married men periodically go a year without sex, while only 1% of married men experience 12-month dry spells. Similarly, while 19% of single guys have sex two to three times a week, 36% of married men have sex that often. So, while single guys are out at the clubs, spending their paychecks just to get a girl's attention, married men are home having sex with their wives.
No.2 Married People Are Happier
A recent study done at an Australian university shows that married men are happier than single men. In fact, married men are 135% more likely to report a high happiness score than single men. That's an astounding figure.

3. Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
Why Did We Get Married?

4. Purpose of Marriage (Covenant) A. Companionship (Functional Purpose)
Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
Purpose of Marriage (Covenant)
A. Companionship (Functional Purpose)
Gen. 2:18-25
 ”18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
 19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.
   But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.”
These three proposals are as follows: God’s purpose for marriage is a functional purpose, God’s purpose for marriage is a sacramental purpose; and God’s purpose for marriage is a transformational or sanctifying purpose.

5. Purpose of Marriage (Covenant) Companionship (Functional Purpose)
Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
Purpose of Marriage (Covenant)
Companionship (Functional Purpose)
I Cor.7:2
 ”But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.”

6. Purpose of Marriage (Covenant)
Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
Purpose of Marriage (Covenant)
B. Sacred or Mysterious Significance
The second possibility for God’s purpose for marriage is one of sacrament...
a visible sign of an inward grace, especially
one of the solemn Christian rites considered to have been
instituted by Jesus Christ to symbolize or confer grace;
something regarded as possessing a sacred or mysterious significance;
a symbol or pledge
as recent as John Piper (2007):
…the main meaning of marriage is to display the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church. In other words, marriage was designed by God most deeply, most importantly, to be a parable or a drama of the way Christ loves his church and the way the church loves and follows Christ

7. Purpose of Marriage (Covenant)
Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
Purpose of Marriage (Covenant)
B. Sacred or Mysterious Significance
Eph.5:25-33  25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Paul seems to speak of this purpose in Ephesians 5:22-33, which is the basis for this argument. In verse 31, Paul quotes Genesis 2:24, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and will be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh,” and then he gives us his interpretation of this Old Testament writing in verse 32, “This mystery is great – but I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” In other words, it is feasible to interpret Paul’s words as saying that marriage (the covenant involved in leaving father and mother and being united to a spouse) is pattered after Christ’s covenant commitment to his church
Piper says:
The most ultimate thing we can say about marriage is that it exists for God’s glory. That is, it exists to display God. Now [after looking at the passage in Ephesians] we can see how: Marriage is patterned after Christ’s covenant relationship to the church. And therefore the highest meaning and most ultimate purpose of marriage is to put the covenant relationship of Christ and his church on display. That is why marriage exists.[13]

8. Purpose of Marriage (Covenant)
Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
Purpose of Marriage (Covenant)
B. Sacred or Mysterious Significance
Gen. 2:24
24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

9. Purpose of Marriage (Covenant)
Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
Purpose of Marriage (Covenant)
B. Sacred or Mysterious Significance
Mt.9:15 14 Then John’s disciples came and asked him, “How is it that we and the Pharisees fast often, but your disciples do not fast?” 15 Jesus answered, “How can the guests of the bridegroom mourn while he is with them? The time will come when the bridegroom will be taken from them; then they will fast.
   16 “No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment, for the patch will pull away from the garment, making the tear worse. 17 Neither do people pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst; the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved.”

10. Purpose of Marriage (Covenant)
Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
Purpose of Marriage (Covenant)
B. Sacred or Mysterious Significance
II Cor. 11:2 (Paul and the False Apostles)
 1 I hope you will put up with me in a little foolishness. Yes, please put up with me!  2I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him. 3 But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ. 4 For if someone comes to you and preaches a Jesus other than the Jesus we preached, or if you receive a different spirit from the Spirit you received, or a different gospel from the one you accepted, you put up with it easily enough

11. Purpose of Marriage (Covenant)
Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
Purpose of Marriage (Covenant)
C. Sanctification (Transformational Purpose)
To Make Us Holy, Not Happy
God's primary purpose for marriage is to use it to help shape us into the image of His Son.
Phil.2; Eph.5:15-33
God’s purpose for marriage is a transformational or sanctifying purpose.
The third possible divine purpose for marriage is one of sanctification. The most well-known proponent for this proposal of God’s purpose for marriage, Gary Thomas, explains it this way:
What if God had an end in mind that went beyond our happiness, our comfort, and our desire to be infatuated and happy [in our marriage] as if the world were a perfect place? What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?[16]
God's primary intention for marriage however, is not what most of us imagine it to be. He has not designed marriage as a place where we can finally try to get our needs met. He has created it as something much better -- something far more grand than that. God intends to use marriage to accomplish a very important goal -- one that is His primary goal for all Christians. God's primary purpose for marriage is to use it to help shape us into the image of His Son. 
God uses marriage to direct us towards Himself. The challenges offered in marriage He capitalizes on to help shape and mold us into the image of Jesus. To evaluate our personal success in a marriage we must not then look to see if our needs are being met, but we must ask ourselves, "Am I demonstrating the image and character of Jesus Christ?." We determine our success by how much we are becoming like Christ -- loving and honoring our spouse according to the specific roles God has laid out for us in the Scriptures. Far wiser than us, God knows that as we grow into the image of Jesus our greatest needs are met.

12. Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
Phil. 2:1-18
 1 Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. 5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
 6 Who, being in very nature[a] God,     did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;  7 rather, he made himself nothing     by taking the very nature[b] of a servant,     being made in human likeness.  8 And being found in appearance as a man,     he humbled himself     by becoming obedient to death—        even death on a cross!
 9 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place     and gave him the name that is above every name,  10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,     in heaven and on earth and under the earth,  11 and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,     to the glory of God the Father.

13. Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
 (Con’t)
12 Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. 14 Do everything without grumbling or arguing, 15 so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.”[c] Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky 16 as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain. 17 But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. 18 So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.

14. Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
Eph. 5:15-33
15 Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. 18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
 21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

15. Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
Thomas (“Sacred Marriage” by Gary Thomas) summarizes the foundation of his book:
“I guess what I’m after is a quieter fulfillment, a deeper sense of meaning, a fuller understanding of the purpose behind this intense, one-on-one, lifelong relationship. As a man who believes his primary meaning comes from his relationship with God, I want to explore how marriage can draw me closer to God…For the Christian, marriage is a penultimate (next to last) rather than an ultimate reality.”
“Just as celibates use abstinence and religious hermits use isolation, so we can use marriage for the same purpose – to grow in our service, obedience, character, pursuit, and love of God.”
God's primary intention for marriage however, is not what most of us imagine it to be. He has not designed marriage as a place where we can finally try to get our needs met. He has created it as something much better -- something far more grand than that. God intends to use marriage to accomplish a very important goal -- one that is His primary goal for all Christians. God's primary purpose for marriage is to use it to help shape us into the image of His Son. 
God uses marriage to direct us towards Himself. The challenges offered in marriage He capitalizes on to help shape and mold us into the image of Jesus. To evaluate our personal success in a marriage we must not then look to see if our needs are being met, but we must ask ourselves, "Am I demonstrating the image and character of Jesus Christ?." We determine our success by how much we are becoming like Christ -- loving and honoring our spouse according to the specific roles God has laid out for us in the Scriptures. Far wiser than us, God knows that as we grow into the image of Jesus our greatest needs are met.

16. What Makes a Marriage “Fit”? How “fit” is your marriage?
Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
What Makes a Marriage “Fit”?
How “fit” is your marriage?
Signs of Healthy Marriage (“17 Areas Scale” by Gottman)
A. Emotionally Connected
B. Handling Outside Stresses Effectively
C. Handling Disagreements
D. Experiencing Romance & Passion
E. Satisfied Sex life
F. Dealing With Important Events Well
G. Handling Major Issues Well
H. Handling Relatives Well

17. 2. Signs of Healthy Marriage I. Resolve Disagreements Well
Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
2. Signs of Healthy Marriage
I. Resolve Disagreements Well
J. Basic Values & Goals in Synch
K. Handling Very Hard Events Well
L. Working as a Team
M. Coping Well with Issues of Power or Influence
N. Handling Issues of Finances Well
O. Having Fun Together
P. Feeling Spiritually Close
Q. Attraction to Others or Jealousy Not a Problem

18. Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
The Health & Intimacy of Your Marriage is Directly Proportionate to your Personal Growth & Maturity as a Disciple of Jesus Christ

19. Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
Fixing Me Fixes Us:
Growing A Strong & Healthy Marriage Begins With Growing A Strong & Healthy ME!
Concentrate More on Personal Growth than Marital Growth
2 Peter 3:18 (NIV)
“But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”
Colossians 1:28-29 (NIV)
“We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me.”

20. Fixing Me Fixes Us: B. Take “Ownership” of Me… What Does That Mean?
Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
Fixing Me Fixes Us:
Growing A Strong & Healthy Marriage Begins With Growing A Strong & Healthy ME!
B. Take “Ownership” of Me… What Does That Mean?
it says “that is mine, I am responsible for it”
it is what Jesus is calling us to in Lk. 6:42:
42 How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
in order for us to take responsibility for our lives, we must own what is ours
in order for us to gain control of our feelings, behaviors, & choices – we must first realize they are ours & no one else's

21. C. Stop Blaming You for “Us” … Stop Blaming
Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
3. Fixing Me Fixes Us:
Growing A Strong & Healthy Marriage Begins With Growing A Strong & Healthy ME!
C. Stop Blaming You for “Us” … Stop Blaming
“If you would have only done ____, I would not have done that”
“You always make me feel…”
“It’s your fault”
“you never listen to me”
“You”….
Blaming Keeps You Stuck in These Ways…
You remain a martyr or victim
Leads to anger & resentment… adds to distance & pain in the relationship
Blocks you from getting what you want & taking an active role in the relationship

22. The Marriage Is No Better Than
Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
The Marriage Is No Better Than
The People In It

23. What Do You Need to Adjust in Your Marriage to Be Better “Fit”?
Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
What Do You Need to Adjust in Your Marriage to Be Better “Fit”?
To evaluate our personal success in a marriage we must not then look to see if our needs are being met, but we must ask ourselves, "Am I demonstrating the image and character of Jesus Christ?." We determine our success by how much we are becoming like Christ -- loving and honoring our spouse according to the specific roles God has laid out for us in the Scriptures. Far wiser than us, God knows that as we grow into the image of Jesus our greatest needs are met.

24. “The Magic Five” (John Gottman)
Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
4a. Making Your Marriage Better Today:
Instant Improvement: What Can You Do?
“The Magic Five” (John Gottman)
1. Partings
2. Reunions
3. Admiration/Appreciation
4. Affection
5. Weekly Date
From the book The Secrets to Making Marriage Work by John Gottman. He says that these five things are the ones that keep all marriages going strong. He says that if you do these, you’ll magically be able to have a fulfilling marriage.
1. Partings: learn one thing about spouse’s day.
2. Reunions: have a stress-reducing conversation at end of the day.
3. Admiration/appreciation: give/say genuine admiration or appreciation toward your spouse each day.
4. Affection: kiss, grab, hold and touch during time together. Make sure to kiss each other before going to sleep. Think of kiss as way to let go of any minor irritations that have built up over the day.
5. Weekly date: relaxing, low-pressure way to stay connected. Ask each other questions that let you update each other’s love maps. Think of other questions to ask your spouse (where should we take our next vacation? or How are you feeling about your boss these days?).

25. Principles to a Better “Fit” Marriage (Building Health Over Time)
Week 1: Balance- Signs of a healthy marriage- Working towards a future together
4b. Making Your Marriage Better Today:
Principles to a Better “Fit” Marriage
(Building Health Over Time)
Principle 1: Enhance Your "Love Maps"
Principle 2: Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration
Principle 3: Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away
Principle 4: Let Your Partner Influence You
Principle 5: Solve Your Solvable Problems
Principle 6: Overcome Gridlock
Principle 7: Create Shared Meaning
Principle 1: Enhance Your "Love Maps" Example: At one extreme, take a husband who doesn't know what color his wife's eyes are, has lost track of how many kids they have or what their names are you get the picture. At the other extreme, take a husband who knows that his wife loves a gentle rub on the back of the neck, really loves a phone call for no reason at all, and loves spending a night during the week alone together, away from the world. The point is simple but important: the depth and detail of each partners' "map" of the others' likes and dislikes, values and goals, the less it's a guessing game what makes the other happy.
Principle 2: Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration What do you like or love about the other person? Every relationship has positive qualities that brought the two individuals together; those qualities can either be kept alive (food, water, and sunshine where they grow lavishly) or the can wither away from neglect. A good practice is to deliberately tend to and nurture them.
Principle 3: Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" applies to relationships as well, not just journey of thousands of miles. In other words, a positive relationship, according to Gottman, is less a matter of huge, grand, sweeping gestures, but the small, everyday interactions that might seem like insignificant details. The details are all-important. Chitchat isn't just chitchat - it's a way of building and maintaining a connection of emotional engagement.
Principle 4: Let Your Partner Influence You This is an often misunderstood way of saying that both partners should have a fundamental mutual respect.
Principle 5: Solve Your Solvable Problems Some marital problems - who takes out the garbage, takes care of the kids - are solvable; others (issues about children, sex, religious faith) are more perpetual. Gottman states that you don't have to resolve your major marital conflicts for your marriage to thrive; but solving the ones that can be solved is important.
Principle 6: Overcome Gridlock Gridlock: being stuck in seemingly insolvable problems with arguments you've had a hundred times. It's the Mexican Standoff of relationships, that wastes years of our lives. Gottman explains that the underlying reason behind gridlock is that each partner has core underlying dreams for their life which fuel the conflict, and those dreams aren't being addressed or respected by the other.
Principle 7: Create Shared Meaning What often brings people together is agreement about a deep way of life, sense of meaning and purpose. An important part of a marriage pact means getting the big picture straight ("What am I doing with my life, and why?") and respecting the meaning each other is living.