1. Is S E X killing our kids? How can we help???
The amazing and powerful gift of sex has been distorted. Teens unhealthy perspective on sex is dangerous and WILL cost them…
Is S E X killing our kids?
How can we help???

2. Straight Talk Parent First Choice Women’s Resource Centers
Presenter: Sandy Bober
Redeemer Montclair, May 15, 2010

3. Why are you here?
What has caused you to spend a few hours of your weekend with us?
In other words, what are you looking to get of this workshop?
What are some experiences you have already had with your teen that has brought you here today?

4. Your child wants to hear from YOU!
ALL studies have proven that kids want to hear the truth about sex from their parents first.
Then it follows with friends, teachers and media.
YOU are your child’s best teacher!

5. God’s Role in Sex Sex is Great!
Creation Genesis
Genesis 1:26-27 states, “then God said, ‘Let us make man [the word translate “mankind” or “humans”] in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth , and over all the creatures that move along the ground.’ So God created Man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”
Genesis 2:18-22 “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found (that fit him). So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.”

6. God’s Role in Sex
Genesis 2:23-35, “The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.’ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”
1 Corinthians 6:12, “Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything. “
1 Corinthians 6: 18-20, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”
Song of Solomon: Tells a love story between two lovers.

7. Satan Makes Sex Bad
Sex is a wonderful part of a committed, marriage relationship. Sex is something special between a husband and wife that bonds them together creating one flesh.
Satan wants to separate that bond and works feverishly to destroy marriage through infidelity.
Satan distorts and perverts sex through molestation, rape and incest.
Satan has tempted many to be sexually active before marriage leading to emotional and physical consequences.

8. Pregnancy Statistics
1 in 4 sexually active teen girls will become pregnant by age 20 in the US
In magazines, movies, music, books and TV, the message seems to be that all teens are or should be having sex. But research shows that the real majority of teens are choosing abstinence. More than half of teenagers in 9th-12th grade are not engaged in sexual activity, declining from 53 percent in 1995 to 47 percent in (CDC, Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Study, YRBSS, 2005).

9. STD Statistics STD = Sexually Transmitted Disease.
Last year there were 18.9 million NEW reported STD cases
48% of those new cases occurred in people ages
1 in 4 sexually active teenagers contract an STD
What are some STDs that you have heard of before?

10. Teens and Sexually Transmitted Diseases
Why are STD rates so high?
* Many cases do not show symptoms
* Diseases spread easily and are hard to protect against
* You have to rely on the honesty of infected people
* People are not using protection
* The more partners the more risk there is
* Media sends the message that casual sex with multiple partners is common and acceptable
Read slide.
I repeat, “one out of four.”

11. THE SPREAD OF STDS Genital Activity: Intercourse Dry Sex Oral sex
Anal sex
Hand to genital contact (HPV)

12. Sexually Transmitted Diseases
Bacterial
- Can be treated
Viral
- Only treat the symptoms
“Today we have both bacterial and viral.”
“Bacterial can be treated with antibiotics.
In the case of viral diseases, we only treat the symptoms.
Most of the viral STDS stay in your body for the rest of your life. ”

13. Major STDs Gonorrhea Herpes Syphilis HPV (Human Papillomavirus)
Bacterial Viral
(Treatable with antibiotics) (Untreatable w/ antibiotics)
Chlamydia HIV - AIDS
Gonorrhea Herpes
Syphilis HPV (Human Papillomavirus)
Here are the major diseases:
Read each disease name.
Bacterial ones we can treat IF we know they are present.
But many times there are no overt symptoms so they don’t get treated.
For the viral STDs, we treat the symptoms, which can recur throughout life.

14. Syphilis 70,000 new cases annually in the US
Bacterial- there is treatment
Can increase susceptibility to HIV by 2-5 times the norm
Spread via direct contact with a sore during vaginal, anal or oral sex

15. Gonorrhea 700,000 new cases annually in the US
Bacterial- there is treatment
Drug resistant strains of gonorrhea are increasing internationally
Infectiousness of HIV carriers and susceptibility of uninfected persons both rise with gonorrhea
Can lead to PID
Spread via genital contact- ejaculation is not necessary

16. Chlamydia About one third of sexually active females
aged 12 – 19 have chlamydia.1
Infertility occurs in 1 out of 10 chlamydia cases.
“Chlamydia is bacterial and can be treated with antibiotics. But most frequently there are no symptoms and therefore no treatment is sought. Meanwhile, silent Pelvic Inflammatory Disease can scar the fallopian tubes, close them completely and potentially cause life threatening ectopic pregnancy.”
Read slide.
When you get to the stats, repeat for emphasis:
“29.1% that’s nearly 30% had this infection!”
Bottom of slide:
….are infertile due to Chlamydia. “27% nearly 1/3!”
“When I was growing up if you had an infertility problem you went to a doctor in New York City for care. Today, infertility has grown to such a problem just open your yellow pages, it is filled with doctors who deal with this issue.”
27% of American women who
have undergone in-vitro fertilization
are infertile due to chlamydia.
(CDC/ASRM 1999)
1Longitudinal study, Baltimore Maryland, Journal of the American Medical Association, August 12, 1998

17. Chlamydia 2.8 million new infections annually in the US
Bacterial- there is treatment
Can increase susceptibility to HIV by 5 times the norm
40% of untreated cases lead to PID
Spread via vaginal, oral or anal sex

18. HIV- Human Immunodeficiency Virus
40,000 new cases annually in the US
800,000 people currently infected
Viral- there is no treatment
70% of infections occur among men and 30% among women
75% of infections are from sexual contact and 25% is credited to injected drug use

19. Genital Herpes There is no medical cure ~ only treat symptoms.
1 out of 5 Americans over the age of 11 has genital herpes, a viral disease.
45 Million Americans are living with Genital Herpes
There is no medical cure ~ only treat symptoms.
Cells are shed even between outbreaks.
Read slide.
Repeat stat: “1 out of 5! Do people know this? Do we hear about this?”
“No, we don’t have people telling us this because it’s so personal and private and emotionally painful. How does it impact a teenager when they know they will have this for the rest of their life and will bring it into their future marriage?”
Read the rest of slide.
“The medication we see advertised today on TV, you know, the lovely girl riding her bike alongside a lake with her boyfriend at her side? They make it look easy. Well, she will always have genital herpes, the medication that they’re selling can’t cure herpes. What it does do is decrease the frequency and the duration of the outbreaks. Anyone she becomes intimate with is still at risk for contracting the disease.”
“There’s a huge emotional impact with these viral diseases that is usually not addressed.”
Note for your information:
Second bullet on screen refers to what is now known; cells are shed even during the time the carrier has no symptoms.
The medication frequently seen on TV is Valtrex.
Along with numerous other STDs, it has been
shown to increase the risk of HIV infection.

20. HPV is the most common STD
Most Americans are totally unaware of HPV
Of 100 Strains, 30 are sexually transmitted.
Some cause genital warts.
Some cause cancerous changes.
Others are not seen to be as dangerous
Read top heading.
Read entire slide.
Last line “We know that condoms do not reduce the risk of HPV infection because it is a regional disease of the entire genital area and it is transmitted by skin-to-skin contact. Not in just the area a condom covers.”
Note for your information:
Chlamydia is the most common bacterial STD, HPV is the most common overall.
In the US:
- 13,700 cervical cancer cases in US per year
- 4,100 deaths from cervical cancer
Regarding the results of PAP Smears (in US):
50 million annually
45 million normal
1.5 million inflammation or infection – these are unrelated to HPV
THESE ARE HPV RELATED:
2.0 million ASCUS (Atypical Squamous Cells of Undetermined Significance) Of those ASCUS cells:
1.2 million LSIL (Low-grade squamous intraepithelial lesions)
.3 million HSIL (High-grade SIL)
The above 3 (ASCUS, LSIL, HSIL) are not cancer by may lead to.

21. Human Papillomavirus (HPV)
When dangerous strains are persistent,
they are very serious.
They cause 99.7% of all cervical cancers,1 and have been found in penile, anal and oral cancers.2
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
1 Journal of Pathology, C.S. Herrington, 8/24/99, 189:1-3
2 New England Journal of Medicine, J Mork, et al, 4/12/01, Vol. 344: 15
Read slide.
“We now know that cervical cancer is caused by a virus.”

22. HPV 6.2 million new cases annually in the US
It is estimated that 1 of every 2 sexually active people will contract HPV by 2020
Viral- there is no treatment
Many of the carriers show no symptoms
Spread via skin to skin contact- penetration is not necessary

23. Pregnancy and Condoms
How effective are condoms at preventing pregnancy?
97%- 2-4% condoms will slip or break
Study with consenting adults show 86% effective.
Difference between consenting adults and teenagers

24. Summary of Condom Effectiveness
STD Condom Effectiveness
Gonorrhea Males: 50% - 100% Risk Reduction
Females: No Clinical Proof
HIV/AIDS % Risk Reduction
Syphilis – 50% Risk Reduction

25. Summary of Condom Effectiveness
STD Condom Effectiveness
Genital Herpes – 50% Risk Reduction
Chlamydia 0 – 50% Risk Reduction
HPV ?

26. The Emotional STD Sex does not just effect the physical body
Sexual activity also has emotional consequences
Sexually active teens are more likely to be depressed than non sexually active teens
The emotions and memories from our past sexual experiences will stay with us for our entire lives

27. First Choice Women’s Resource Centers
Our services include:
* Pregnancy Tests, Ultrasounds, STD screenings, Counseling, Post Abortion Counseling, Support Services and Referrals
* All of our services are free and confidential
* Our three centers are located in Morristown, Montclair, and Jersey City

28. Media’s Influence
Now we will look at the media’s message to our children.
We will meet back together in 5 minutes

29. Mixed Messages
God has entrusted your kids to you- He will help you know what to say!
All kids need boundaries and respect having boundaries
What message are you sending if you do not create boundaries?
Media knows that sex sells and knows that teens have money to buy!

30. Movies
Movies often push the rating system in order to make it PG 13 but also have sexual references or acts in it.
will help you understand the ratings
will give you a better idea of why a movie has been given the rating

31. Television
There are many suggestive ads on t.v., radio and in magazines. Talk about the ads together as a family.
What shows are popular among your children’s friends? Watch some of those shows as a family and talk about them.
maybe your child is not watching but chances are they have heard of these shows- talk about them

32. Music
Your child is listening to music throughout the day! Online, radio, phones, ipods, etc… The messages are often sexual
will help you understand the lyrics. Talk about what the songs are saying.
The music videos that go along with these songs are often pornographic! Be aware!

33. Cell Phones Sexting is a huge problem for teens
Monitor your child’s text messages, pictures and videos. Be aware they can delete things from their phone!
Many teens are using phones over night- it is okay to keep their phone over night!

34. Computers
Pornography will find your children on the internet even if they are not looking for it! DO NOT LET YOUR CHILD HAVE A COMPUTER IN THEIR ROOM.
Facebook is very common- keep tabs on your children. It is useful to learn more about your kid’s friends. Be aware your child can delete things before you see them.

35. Your Role as Parent
Protect
Be Prepared
Help Prepare

36. The 3D Method www.CPYU.org is a resource for parents.
3D Method asks parents to work with their child to
*Discover- What is the message?
*Discern- How does it stand in light of the biblical message?
*Decide- What do I do with it?

37. This concludes our media portion.
We will now take a 5 minute break.

38. Communication Why is it so difficult to talk to your kids about sex?
It’s embarrassing
You think your teen won’t listen
You think you don’t know as much about sex, development and STDs as their health teachers and school nurses
You’re overwhelmed with the responsibilities of parenting and feel like you can’t do it all
You worry your teen will think you’re being judgmental
Maybe you made different choices when you were young and don’t want to seem like a hypocrite.

39. Kitchen Table Conversations
Talk to your kids early and often about sex
Each talk can be casual and answer specific questions
Make the topic of sex something your children feel comfortable bringing up with you
The more comfortable you are with talking about sex the more comfortable your children will be in talking to you about sex

40. Use Our Power To Empower Our Teens
What Parents Need To Do
Use Our Power To Empower Our Teens

41. PARENTS WHO C.A.R.E. C ourage to speak the truth
A wareness of what’s really going
on in their world
R ights and responsibilities guide
thought and action
E ngage and connect

42. Not all about SEX
Remember that all discussions do not have to be just about sex; you should also talk about character, values, and making good decisions in all aspects of their lives.
character
values
Making good decisions
sex

43. Share your values!
Your beliefs are some of the most powerful reasons for the sexual choices teens make.
Values about education, marriage, and trust are more easily “caught” than “taught”
You and your behavior are the most valuable “values” educators!
Don’t assume your child knows how you feel

44. Creating a Healthy Home Environment
Protect your Child- answer the question “Am I loveable?”
Don’t Pack your Calendar- keep time available for your kids
Take your Kids on Dates- focus on your child the way you focus on other important parts of your life
Learn to Speak Your Child’s Love Language- encourage their passions
Evenings and Mornings- ask your child what their day looks like and follow up with them at the end of the day
Model a Healthy Sexual Relationship with your Spouse- your children will look at your own relationships and determine whether or not they want the same
Purity- stress and emphasize the importance of not just sexual abstinence but also purity

45. Early Communication
Be Honest- let your values, goals and beliefs be known to your children
Answer their questions, but don’t give “too much” information- keep your answers age appropriate
Ask questions to see what “exactly” your child is asking- this will help you judge how much information to share
Let your child know that their concerns matter to you- if you shut down little times of communication you will have a harder time later addressing bigger issues.

46. Question and Answer Thank you for coming today!
I would like to spend some time covering any questions you may have
Please feel free to contact Sandy with any questions/comments. Contact information:
x. 12